Endless Longing

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou came'st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me.

Or, as thou never came'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth.
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say My love! why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)

Truth

I don't know....

what it means

what it is

whose it is

where it be

how important it is to capture,
or if I should let it go

whether to speak it,
or veil it in disguise

if it is standing in front of me,
or floating away on a breeze of lies.

What's love got to do with it?

Everything.....

Without love, without understanding, without trust, the connection is pointless; it becomes a physical act of (often) aggression.....an acting out of pent up frustration, or, in the case of public play, an exhibitionistic frenzy of "watch me", "see me", "do me". It does not matter who does me, or who sees me.......I just need my fix.

This is, obviously, an enjoyable phenomenon for some people.

For me, not so much.

My female sub friend T. was describing this to me the other day, going to a public party and watching this show of seemingly disconnected people employed in sexual acts; I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was really disturbed by it and I have been trying to understand why, exactly, it provoked such intense feelings for her.

I do know that when "I" have communicated with persons that view this world as "just-a-little-kink", or take it as only "fun" and something NOT done outside the bedroom, I do have a hard time relating to them, as I view it as a good deal more. I am certainly not saying that life, or D/s, should not be fun, I am simply saying that, to me, it goes much deeper than just fun and that, for it to have any meaning at all, there needs to be a deeper connection.

And I believe my friend, like many people, holds almost a spiritual reverence for the D/s dynamic. The potentially life-altering, mind-bending intensity of a good D/s connection with a like-minded partner. It is not a game, it is not for show....it is, well....almost a religion of sorts, I suppose you could say. And perhaps what goes on at play parties is almost a mockery of this institution, for some people.

Could that be it?

The Harder He Strikes, the Softer I Fall(Ode to a Very Special Dominant Man)

Obsession grows
Addiction peaks
the harder his hand upon my cheeks,
The more he makes me scream and cry,
the deeper my love for him
but why....
is this power so intoxicating?
its rush surreal,
the further he wields it
the more intensely I feel
but...
these new emotions terrify me,
never have I felt so powerless,
yet so free...
for many years I've had to hide
my submissive self
deep down inside;
now, at last, the air is clear
his violent love crushing,
my self-imposed fear.

Thank you for showing me that the kind of love in my dreams
was out there to be had.

Thank you for knowing that, although I like the smell of roses, I often prefer the prick of thorns.

Thank you for filling my lungs with your Dominant air; allowing me to breathe peacefully at last......

Thank you for teaching me to be still.

A Dream Within A Dream

in a dark room I sit
or am I inside my dark mind....
If I reach out will my fingers touch you?
or will the attempt fade into another fantasy
where you should be
but are not

in a dark room I sit
and listen for your footsteps
my mind hears them
but my eyes remain blind
to the enigma
that is you

in a dark room I sit
knowing that my body lies in a bed
where I dream of you
coming to me, like you use to
the strong grip of your hands on my flesh
making me feel calm and protected
but....

then I awake
to the sound of the clock
ticking out an eternity
and I finally know the truth,
that my life is only a dream....
within a dream

Come to Me

He says........


Come to me as a child

with pureness of vision and heart

Come to me as a princess

knowing you are the part

Come to me with your demon;

I will tame it with my glove

Come to me with anger,

it will be subdued with violent love

Come to me with openness,

and strength enough to give

Come to me with honesty

and I will show you how to live.

Alien on Earth

Once again I feel like an observer of my life, never really a part of anything; isolated from my surroundings...an alien on earth. People talk and I listen but I feel no real connection with them. Perhaps I am an alien, sent from another place....but to do what? For what purpose is my body on this planet full of people I have such a hard time relating to?

I wrote many words such as this when I was a teenager trying to cope with feeling exactly the same way that I do now.

What the hell is wrong with me.....when will I grow up?

Sharing's Sacrifice

He loves and He doth cherish me
my life I have betrothed to He
and answer to His every whim
though times to me may seem quite grim
I serve with every breath I take
no matter what he asks at stake
obeying is what I strive to do
despite the struggles may ensue
within myself sometimes exists
a battle which I must resist
for to share me is His heart's desire;
my soul doth burn with conflict's ire
tis only His hands that I need;
to feel the others, I do bleed
I pray that I will learn to please
and sacrifice possessive need
to have Him just as mine alone
and learn to share what I don't own.

Although I don't know who took this photo, I have to say that I think it is lip-smackingly erotic!

Power and Control

Not the forceful command of an order.
Not the act of physically restraining.

No.

The power of a thought that melts her.
The power of words that fell her.
The power of a firm squeeze of her flesh that floods her.
The power of a request she is unable to deny.

That is power.
That is control.
That....is fucking irresistible!

smile

Where Once I Dwelt

Today,
I stand from the highest mountain and wail to the skies...
I ache,
oh how I ache,
so badly,
so deeply,
every fiber of my being cries for Him;
within my deepest, darkest, depths
I know that I hunger to be rewritten;
reworked, revisited, re-invented;
If I do not allow Him to control me, guide me, discipline me,
I fear that I will disappear;
be swallowed up inside my longing,
my need,
this all encompassing desperation that fuels my every thought,
my every move;
threatens to eat me away, from the inside out...
leaving only a void,
the shell,
where once I dwelt.

Trust

The strong grip of his hand around my neck squeezing out what could possibly be my last breath, does not frighten me. In fact it does the opposite, facilitates feelings of being owned, possessed, powerless and controlled......all of which co-mingle to enable sentiments of warmth and security in me. Ofcourse these emotions would not be engendered if complete trust was not there to begin with. He is my protector, my guardian; the one with the power to do what he wants with me. I have given him this power with the knowledge that he will not harm me, that he is in complete control of what he is doing with me, and to me, at all times. Because we have exchanged these trusts with each other we are able to reach intensely intimate places.

Fascination

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.

Iris Murdoch

The Transformation

Do you understand

how deeply I am immersed

how base I have become

that I feel more animal, than human

that my body functions purely by sensation

ruled by Your words, Your hands, Your cock

that I want nothing more than to be stuffed;

to suck,

to gag,

to choke on You....

be penetrated,

asphyxiated,

violated

feel the power of Your strikes....

upon my flesh,

to please You....

profoundly.....


pleases me completely.

On the Road

The world is so vast; my world is so tiny. I have never wanted to travel far but have always enjoyed the sensation of placing one foot ahead of the other, knowing that somewhere along the road a most beguiling and worthwhile discovery would be mine.....

And so, with open mind and open heart, I walk through the landscape of my life, doing my best to experience what is around me; trying to appreciate what is under my feet instead of concentrating on the resplendence beyond.

Learn to be Still

It's just another day in paradise
As you stumble to your bed
You'd give anything to silence
Those voices ringing in your head
You thought you could find happiness
Just over that green hill
You thought you would be satisfied
But you never will-
Learn to be still

We are like sheep without a shepherd
We don't know how to be alone
So we wander round this desert
And wind up following the wrong gods home
But the flock cries out for another
And they keep answering that bell
And one more starry-eyed messiah
Meets a violent farewell-
Learn to be still

Now the flowers in your garden
They don't smell so sweet
Maybe you've forgotten
The heaven lying at your feet

There are so many contradictions
In all these messages we send
(we keep asking)
How do I get out of here
Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breaking
It's waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will-
Learn to be still

You just keep on running
Keep on running


Play me




Music and lyrics, The Eagles