tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29428506626696391872024-03-13T13:02:07.701-07:00Emergence Into SubmissionCharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.comBlogger245125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-71842439508746262012012-12-05T03:53:00.002-08:002012-12-05T03:53:39.241-08:00Surfacing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br />
Sometimes in life<br />
You get a second chance.<br />
By some miraculous sweep of
sympathetic synchronicity,<br />
Situations align<br />
Shining a light into your
world<br />
Brilliant, ethereal, blinding in its raw intensity...<br />
And you
know...<br />
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, that who you see standing before
you,<br />
Is who you've known all along...in your mind;<br />
You have
searched,<br />
Knowing that, within that deep space of longing and desire,<br />
There
lay an answer...your answer;<br />
That inside this dream<br />
Was hidden a
reality<br />
Waiting to surface, to show itself...<br />
...for you, to you.<br />
We
all yearn for a beacon,<br />
A loving, guiding, protective light<br />
to
manifest...outside ourselves;<br />
Inside our world.<br />
You are mine.<br />
<br />CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-24962484401815033492012-11-24T06:52:00.000-08:002012-11-24T06:52:33.493-08:00On finding your place...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<i>For those who don't know my history, here is a brief synopsis. My
life was good. For all intents and purposes it was a good and solid
life. I had a happy childhood and went on to marry a good man, a man I
stayed with for 21 years. I left that marriage a few years ago with the
realization that, life is short, and that I, a submissive
child/woman, could not realize her true self, with the man she was
currently with...there were emotions and reciprocal passions I had yet
to experience. I did not know what I would find but....I felt empty and
hollow and knew that I had to search. I am so thankful that I listened
to my inner yearnings...so very thankful.</i><br />
<br />Life is curious and wondrous.<br />One never knows in which direction it will go and...<br />when you contemplate the future and what your world might be like,<br />it is often not at all what comes to pass.<br /><br />The
contented and peaceful space I now find myself in, I could not have
even imagined. It is amusing now, at the age of 51, to realize that I
have never been here before, and that it has taken this long to "find"
that place. In retrospect, however, I have always felt there was
something <i>missing</i>, some elusive panacea that I only
half-believed, truly existed. The days passed as days will do and life
was just life.....going along and going along...then, I found B.
and, in finding Him, I found IT...the <i>something more</i> my life was waiting for.<br /><br />Within
a whole-life context, the harmony I share with my new partner is
stellar and perfect. Within a D/s context, my struggles trying to find
just "where" I belong in my submissive place, have finally been
answered. The ideal balance between real-world, and D/s world, exists
for us. The D/s is not overt yet lies, as an undercurrent, in our day
to day world. For me, it works well, as I am not "extreme" in my
submissive leanings, and prefer a more subtle approach.<br /><br />I write
this for two reasons. One, because I want to share my happiness, and
two, because there are so many people living my previous
situation...searching and struggling...trying to figure out just where
they belong, looking for an answer to their feelings of emptiness and
wanting. What I want to say is this...there "is" an ideal situation out
there for all of us. It is too easy to <i>settle </i>for something
that isn't quite right. Our time on this planet is very very short and
it is a tragedy to waste it. I am not saying that it is easy. I
gambled a world of comfort and security, for the unknown. It might not
be the right choice for everyone, but I am very glad that I made it.<br /><br />Find out who "you" are and be true to that discovery.<br />In the end, <i>you </i>are all that <i>you </i>have.<br />Don't let yourself down.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-72092790927900904202012-09-09T05:49:00.000-07:002012-09-09T05:49:28.901-07:00On Labeling<i>B and I were talking about the meaning of labels and how they can effectuate preconceived notions about what lies "under" the label. We have both had the experience of meeting people who think they know what we, or our relationship, is all about....simply because we fall under the vague categories of <b>Dominant</b> and <b>submissive</b>. He wrote these words in reaction to our conversation.</i><br />
<br />
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</div>
<br />
I am uncomfortable with labels that attempt to describe me and the relationships I am in.<br />
<br />
Although
I have somewhat left-of-center views of the world, and believe in
living in an eco-respectful way, I don't believe there is an almighty
being who watches over and guides us. If you label or pigeon hole me as
an atheist, tree-hugging liberal, you will have preconceived notions of
who I am and what I am all about; this is impossible. If you'd like to
know about me, you'll have to get to <i>know </i>me.<br />
<br />
It is true that the intimate relationship that I have with Charli does have a dynamic that involves deferral/submission/<wbr></wbr>acquiescence, and that our sexual relationship and play does include
restraint/spanking/pain, etc.; however it cannot be summed up by
calling it a D/s relationship. It is "our" relationship. It evolves,
adjusts, accommodates and has its very own life and uniqueness. If you
call me a DOM you will doubtless have a notion of who I am and how I
function; that notion is likely to be more inaccurate than the reality.<br />
<br />
The only label I am truly comfortable with is the one my parents
chose to give me....my name, and that label says nothing about the
person I am and what you can expect from me.<br />
<br />
I like it that way.<i> </i><br />
<br />
<i>B.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-28595673987946651172012-09-08T05:56:00.000-07:002012-09-09T05:56:00.242-07:00The Magic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br />
Today I felt capitulation that I have not before experienced<br />
A nudge, a beautiful nudge...toward freedom<br />
The freedom to be, who I need to be<br />
I gave more of myself to You<br />
Without trying, or realizing it was happening<br />
And...<br />
You felt it too<br />
You felt it and reacted...<br />
Your Magic was palpable<br />
The Magic that makes me crazy with love and desire.<br />
<br />
We are synergistic...<br />
We are exquisite...<br />
<b><i>Together.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i><br /></i></b>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-8235027828262351102012-08-12T05:51:00.002-07:002012-08-12T05:51:59.738-07:00A Sense of Entitlement<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
While discussing the concept of Dominance in a D/s relationship with B, it struck me that the whole <i>feel </i>of Dominance can be encapsulated and summed up in a few words.....<i>A sense of entitlement</i>.
The Dominant partner "has" (or needs to have) this sense of entitlement
within the relationship to enable the exchange of power. If this is
not present, this "knowing" that the entitlement is His, the depth and
breadth of the dynamic will not be authentic.<br />
<br />I have spoken with many people who seem to "play" at the dynamic.
They play the part that is prescribed by what they read a D/s union
should look like. They follow the rules and protocols that others have <i>named </i>as
making this kind of partnership a bona fide D/s one. They go to play
parties and gather the toys that are necessary to play these parts.<br />
<br />My submission is a <i>feeling</i>; it comes from my heart; it is not derived from labels or rules. I don't want B to be a textbook Dominant. I want Him to <i>treat </i>me and <i>be </i>with me, exactly the way His heart and mind direct Him to be.<br />
<br />These labels of "Dominant" and "Submissive" bother me. These
yearnings inside our souls are primal and only found by searching and
acknowledging our inner-most needs. Many are not able to do this.
People lock their feelings deep inside and never find the courage to
admit to themselves who "themselves" truly are. This is sad.<br />
<br />I don't feel submissive because B spanks me but when He spanks me I feel His <i>sense of entitlement</i> over me and, knowing that I have entrusted Him with my life, makes me feel genuinely, blissfully, powerlessly, submissive.<br />
<br />CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-32036734301133608462012-08-06T06:23:00.000-07:002012-08-06T07:59:02.971-07:00You Suffer Beautifully<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br />
<i>You suffer beautifully.</i><br />
Those are the words He said to me...<br />
My nipple trapped between His fingers<br />
moans audible.....cunt leaking<br />
<br />
I <i>wanted </i>to suffer for Him....<br />
Give everything to Him<br />
Oh how I love that delicious feeling<br />
Of receiving pain<br />
While He watches me squirm<br />
Under His hand<br />
Under His influence<br />
Under His spell.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-87114116732137532382012-08-05T05:59:00.003-07:002012-08-05T05:59:26.286-07:00Sight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br />
It is easy to lose sight of the important things in life.<br />
<br />
It is easy to forget that our lives all hang on tenuous threads of borrowed time.<br />
<br />
Sometimes situations are woven in such a way as to remind us of this fact.......and this is a good thing.<br />
<br />
Our days are crowded with small stuff; stuff of little importance in
the grand scheme of things. And yet, often we let this excruciating
minutia dominate us and our thoughts. We lose our vision of what is
real, what is good.<br />
<br />
Often it takes someone special to alert us to the fact that we've
gone too far; that we're walking the tightrope of inconsequential
detail, and need to be brought back down to earth.<br />
<br />
For those
fortunate enough to have such a partner, it is comforting to know there
is a boundary in place and that the situation will be dealt with, when
we lose our way.<br />
<br />
Cause we all do......from time to time.<br />
<br />CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-26962339992347743372012-08-04T04:48:00.000-07:002012-08-04T04:48:11.828-07:00Waves of Truth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Sometimes, within my ocean, you swim so violently, it takes my breath away...<br />Thrashing my preconceived notions until they take on a different form...<br />Challenging my old thought patterns with the turbulence of wisdom and experience...<br />
Expanding my visual field until objectivity obscures my subjective mind...<br /><br />You are clarity and light and I have come to depend on you as a beacon of sanity and love, <br />inside the chaotic world,<br />in which we live.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-48067773621440505082012-07-25T19:03:00.000-07:002012-07-25T19:03:34.372-07:00Lavender on my Pillow<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JQQdGDsEoig/UBCj3hQYnPI/AAAAAAAAB1I/2efVA9KgosI/s1600/lavender.jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JQQdGDsEoig/UBCj3hQYnPI/AAAAAAAAB1I/2efVA9KgosI/s400/lavender.jpg.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
It has been too long since last I wrote here but...<br />
I've been busy falling in Love<br />
Truly, Madly, Deeply<br />
In Love;<br />
I thought I knew the meaning of the word before but...<br />
I was wrong;<br />
While not fully aware of the happening<br />
I have become His<br />
And now belong to a man who is...<br />
Charming and adorable,<br />
Unpretentious and kind,<br />
Considerate and caring,<br />
Funny and sincere,<br />
Dominant in an unassuming, confident way<br />
<br />
He is perfect for me;<br />
has invaded me completely<br />
Every pore of my being is ensorcelled by Him<br />
<br />
I have been waiting for this man my entire life<br />
He is my home.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-455877202470801872012-03-13T19:04:00.000-07:002012-03-13T19:07:40.848-07:00Virtually Toxic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br />
I have never encountered anything like this before.<br />
<br />
We met and developed a friendship. We got along really really well when we were together and enjoyed many of the same things. <br />
<br />
We made each other laugh and spent much time together.<br />
<br />
But......<br />
<br />
It seemed that we could not communicate virtually, without toxic results.<br />
<br />
Almost every email message we exchanged would be misinterpreted by the receiver.<br />
<br />
And I don't just mean <i>misinterpreted, </i>but
the meaning would somehow completely turn itself around, so that the
message was translated by the end party into something with angry or
negative intent.<br />
<br />
It was as though we had never met for god sake!<br />
<br />
How is it
possible to spend many hours with someone......to really <i>like </i>someone,
and then totally misconstrue and misunderstand emails from that same
person?<br />
<br />
It seems incredible to me......and yet......that is exactly what we kept doing.<br />
<br />
It became very uncomfortable. <br />
<br />
It became so uncomfortable that I wanted it to end........yet I don't really want it to end, because I am fond of this man.<br />
<br />
You have to wonder though.......if you are <i>virtually </i>that toxic to
one another, what horrors may lay in wait for you, as a couple in the real world?!<br />
<br />
It's all very sad.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-49203595672698380952012-03-02T21:20:00.002-08:002012-03-02T21:23:25.347-08:00Needs Be<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br />
<i>I need to breathe</i>.....slowly<br />
On the inhale, not worrying about having to exhale<br />
<br />
<i>I need to live</i>.....fully<br />
In the moment, not reliving yesterday or fretting about tomorrow<br />
<br />
<i>I need to love</i>.....spiritually and emotionally<br />
To <i>feel </i>completely......on a higher plane<br />
<br />
<i>I need to be loved</i>........accepted<br />
Speaking and acting, without fear of judgement<br />
<br />
<i>I need to communicate</i>.......openly<br />
Words flowing freely, unfiltered and raw <br />
<br />
<i>I need to laugh</i>......from a primal place<br />
Often and deeply, until it hurts<br />
<br />
<i>I need to see</i>......clearly<br />
Striving for objectivity, even while standing in the fog<br />
<br />
<i>I need to be me</i>.....completely<br />
In whatever form that may appear, at any given moment in time <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-16932753226191178102012-02-26T07:29:00.001-08:002012-02-26T08:57:08.830-08:00The Big Tease<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Teasing, in one form or another (verbally or sexually), is the hallmark of D/s.<br />
<br />
The teaser is in a position of power as the receiver is made to blush, be uncomfortable, or be kept on edge.<br />
<br />
Sexual encounters/play can last for hours in this type of relationship and it is important to remember that the underlying emotion/concept for both partners is one of control or ownership. The lower partner is willingly allowing herself to be led, in order to please the Upper one.<br />
<br />
The fun can start over dinner with the Upper partner ordering dinner for the 2 of them, without asking what the lower partner wants. He can ask her to spread her legs, or push them apart with his legs....or instruct her to sip her wine only when he tells her to. He can talk about what he is going to do to her when they get home......the erotic excitement begins.<br />
<br />
On the way home, instead of holding her hand, he encircles her wrist and clenches tightly, instilling in her a feeling of being <i>owned/controlled</i>.<br />
<br />
By the time they get home she is already wet with anticipation as he tells her to take off her clothes for him, while he sits on the sofa watching. She awkwardly and shyly removes her clothing, spinning around slowly as he directs her to.<br />
<br />
She is told to go into the bedroom and lie on her back on the bed. He stands over the bed while she stares up at him from her supine position. <i>Spread your legs for me little girl....it's time for a cunt inspection</i>. A million emotions flood her body as she fights the urge to get up and run away. She moans and writhes, not wanting to do it, yet desperately wanting to do it. Her face turns dark red as she slowly, hesitantly, does as he has asked.<br />
<br />
The man stands there, fully clothed, staring down at her naked, open body. She hides her face with her arms, embarrassment overcoming her. <i>Take your arms away from your face and look at me</i>. She does as he requests, feeling the heat spread from her face all the way down her exposed body. <br />
<br />
He takes pleasure in her awkwardness; her willingness to put herself in this uncomfortable situation in order to please him.<br />
<br />
She is in that familiar submissive, aphrodisiacal space of being torn...on the edge between not wanting it, and wanting more more more. That exquisite space between pleasure and pain.<br />
<br />
<i>Spread yourself open for me so I can get a better look please</i>. She is gone now, nothing left to hide, she is His.....she knows she will do anything He asks of her. Her body is on fire, her mind wonderfully fucked. <br />
<br />
For the next couple of hours He uses her. Keeping her on the edge. Inflicting pain until she cries and then soothing it away with deep kisses... <i>there's a good girl, ssshhhhh, you're doing very well</i>. Bringing her to the brink of orgasm and then not letting her cross over to the other side.....again and again.<br />
<br />
Torture and pleasure. <br />
<br />
Finally allowing her to release, then forcing her to release again and again......after a while, the magic wand becomes an instrument of anguish, her clit not wanting any more painful stimulation.<br />
<br />
Finally, He disrobes....shoving His cock into her tear-stained face. Fucking it methodically, intently.....making her gag. <i>Get on your hands and knees</i>. She turns, ass up, as He plunges deep into her open, wet cunt. Fucking her as hard as he can.....primal, animalistic sex.<br />
<br />
She is a seething, tearful, pile of mush. A woman well used, well spent. She cannot think clearly, she is in a different place, a familiar space. A place she is completed addicted to visiting, with a Man she is completed addicted to, leading her there.<br />
<br />
But wait......I forgot the most exquisite part. "Aftercare." He holds her, comforts her, soothes her trembling body with gentle words. She has been a good girl, His good girl.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-53930724786807500142012-02-25T19:31:00.000-08:002012-02-25T19:35:56.921-08:00Kissing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dmxExqnoPRw/T0mm3gufFYI/AAAAAAAABwU/b8x6oeeCQ2c/s1600/frogprince.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dmxExqnoPRw/T0mm3gufFYI/AAAAAAAABwU/b8x6oeeCQ2c/s1600/frogprince.jpg" /></a></div>
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Kissing, for me, is a very intimate endeavor, not to be taken lightly. It is
much more intimate than sex. Sex can be had between 2 people that do
not even look at each other. Kissing has to be done face to face, close
up and personal. I cannot kiss someone that I do not share a deep
connection with. It makes me sick to my stomach when it happens; which
brings me to my next observation.....<br />
<br />
I have been on "dates" (hate that word) with 2 men that have, not only
attempted to kiss me goodnight, but shove their tongue into my mouth
while they were at it! This is a complete deal breaker for me. Any
possibility of a relationship is immediately severed for good. Total yuck!<br />
<br />
This is the "other" side of trying to explain to vanilla men what a D/s
relationship looks like. They either run for the door (as in my words
below), admonishing me as a nutcase, or think that the raunchy subject
matter has flipped on a green light for physical contact with me.<br />
<br />
Good grief!CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-39217794780064197562012-02-22T17:32:00.000-08:002012-02-22T17:34:50.574-08:00The Dominant Litmus Test<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2AtBQFSdVZk/T0WVdXMIVMI/AAAAAAAABwI/LTpPjtwaaBc/s1600/disgust2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2AtBQFSdVZk/T0WVdXMIVMI/AAAAAAAABwI/LTpPjtwaaBc/s200/disgust2.jpg" width="183" /></a></div>
So you're sitting in a restaurant with a man you met through a vanilla dating site. This is your second or third "date" and you are really liking this man. You know that you have to find out if he is <i>Dominant </i>friendly, but you have no idea how to introduce the subject without causing him to run from the restaurant thinking you are some sort of psychologically damaged freak.<br />
<br />
This is my conundrum and, if it is mine, it must also belong to others. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Is there a test? Can we develop one?<br />
<br />
<i>Do you like to lead, or follow, in the bedroom?<br /> </i><br />
<i>Do you find it erotic to read to a woman? Give her a bath? If I called you "Daddy" would you be repulsed beyond reason?<br /> </i><br />
<i>How do you feel about incorporating spanking into a relationship?<br /> </i><br />
<i>And bondage? What does that do for you?</i><br />
<br />
*sigh*<br />
<br />
Come on! This is difficult! I am not big on being labeled as a sexually deviant weirdo but, not wanting to spend time on sites like Collarme, leaves me little choice. It's gonna happen.<br />
<br />
One thing I know for sure. You cannot make a man with no dominant tendencies, Dominant. That issue was played out with my husband.......if it ain't there, it ain't gonna be there, no matter how much you, or he (for you) want/s it.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-43473015979532404702012-02-20T14:10:00.000-08:002012-02-20T14:13:33.666-08:00Lighter or DarkerI had an encounter the other day, with a new/old friend. We spent 9 hours together talking about our lives, our lost loves, our desires. Although he is vanilla-inclined, I talked in depth about D/s relationships and my feelings and needs. It was a very liberating experience, to be able to talk to someone about these issues. He remained open minded and did not judge me. <br />
<br />
The conversation I had with him prompted me to reinstate my blog. When I left him, I felt cleansed and strengthened and realized that I do not want to hide who I am; more importantly, I need to find someone that can help me "be", who I am.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gsy-SL1Ur84/T0K_aDRARuI/AAAAAAAABwA/zgGKyU0kfRI/s1600/encounter4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gsy-SL1Ur84/T0K_aDRARuI/AAAAAAAABwA/zgGKyU0kfRI/s320/encounter4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Each encounter holds the capacity to render us lighter.<br />
<br />
Or to color the experience of our world darker.<br />
<br />
Each encounter holds the capacity to engage<br />
our sense of wonder.<br />
<br />
Or to help us hide from noticing the<br />
experience of being human.<br />
<br />
Each encounter holds the capacity to<br />
tell its story without expectation.<br />
<br />
Or to force on the world an opinion<br />
of how it must be.<br />
<br />
Each encounter holds the capacity for<br />
us to recognize our sameness.<br />
<br />
Or to escape into the experience<br />
of separateness.<br />
<br />
And with each encounter comes a decision.<br />
<br />
To make our world lighter.<br />
<br />
Or darker. <br />
<br />
<br />
<i><a href="http://soulbiographies.com/lighter-darker/" target="_blank">Nick Askew - Soul Biographies</a></i><br />
<br />
<br />CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-44128930950451375672012-02-19T07:06:00.001-08:002012-02-20T14:02:41.292-08:00This is Me<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-adt-65UBXXA/T0EPvvZJDeI/AAAAAAAABpY/mf7Qu5kpwyc/s1600/this+is+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-adt-65UBXXA/T0EPvvZJDeI/AAAAAAAABpY/mf7Qu5kpwyc/s200/this+is+me.jpg" width="200" /></a>Okay.<br />
<br />
I apologize for messing around with this blog. <br />
<br />
I thought that my feelings had changed; that I had moved on to <i>less-deeply-submissive</i> territory.<br />
<br />
But....being on vanilla dating sites and then having a discussion with friends on the matter, I realize that I could never be happy in a vanilla relationship. I just can't do it.<br />
<br />
This is me. I am here to stay. No matter how hard I fight it. No matter how hard I try to tell myself that I am vanilla with just a little bit of "kink"........it simply does not fly right.<br />
<br />
So I am back, and I am submissive.<br />
<br />
There is a huge hunger, a huge need, deep inside of me. It is not a need for sex; rather a need to be overpowered, both physically and mentally. I desperately miss that <i>feeling</i>, of being overwhelmed and taken out of my skin, by someone that I love.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-60075945581681983352011-12-19T20:31:00.000-08:002012-02-19T06:13:42.725-08:00The Reason<div style="text-align: left;">
There is a reason;</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I use to know.....</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
as the snow fell</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
and I have seen</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
the dazzling crystals</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
it has been;</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
now I'm looking for the magic<br />
that existed back then.....</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've got to get back to the reason</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
that I knew long ago</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
cause beyond all the snow</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
and deep in my heart</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
is the soul of the child</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
that waits to impart...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TQ7av3oITtI/AAAAAAAABnQ/eqCGq0kI5YA/s1600/two.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TQ7av3oITtI/AAAAAAAABnQ/eqCGq0kI5YA/s1600/two.jpg" /></a></div>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-80100498683184304552011-06-04T19:11:00.000-07:002012-02-19T05:49:33.704-08:00Only Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uZUIFwegu-I/TerlPA4is_I/AAAAAAAABpI/IlCIYP1GZv4/s1600/sorrow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uZUIFwegu-I/TerlPA4is_I/AAAAAAAABpI/IlCIYP1GZv4/s400/sorrow.jpg" width="269" /></a></div><br /><br />I am only me;<br />I will be only me<br />where no one can reach me<br />and there is no responsibility<br />for loved ones<br />who have no ears...<br />where sorrow and heartache<br />are far away<br />and my tears do not fall<br />on wasted shoulders;<br />I will not love to the point<br />of fearing death<br />for those that never care<br />for themselves<br />enough to live<br />for me.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-217937154796719782011-03-28T19:54:00.000-07:002012-02-19T05:49:33.648-08:00To Strive, To Seek, To Find<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NafKlzqMGe8/TZFIUIoEVvI/AAAAAAAABog/6fVNoCehLpw/s1600/sorrow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NafKlzqMGe8/TZFIUIoEVvI/AAAAAAAABog/6fVNoCehLpw/s320/sorrow.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Much has been taken, drained from me<br />the last months have rendered me weak;<br />often I rise defeated<br />not wanting the day<br />not wanting the day<br /><br />and then the words of Tennyson....<br /><br />Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’<br />We are not now that strength which in old days<br />Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;<br />One equal temper of heroic hearts,<br />Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will<br />To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.<br /><br />......and so I rise to face the day<br /><br />Come what may<br />Come what may<br /><br /><BR><BR>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-9559541389728337762011-03-12T07:36:00.000-08:002012-02-19T05:49:33.718-08:00Communication Equals Respect<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lpnkzRUHmhs/TXuPUNwLMDI/AAAAAAAABoc/YpBve1y8ekI/s1600/yes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lpnkzRUHmhs/TXuPUNwLMDI/AAAAAAAABoc/YpBve1y8ekI/s1600/yes.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal">When people come out of long term relationships they tend to know certain things; they tend to have a better idea of what they want or need in a relationship but, more importantly, they definitely know what they <i>don't</i> want in a future partner.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">This can cause them to produce lists of "desires" on a dating site profile that may be interpreted, by the person reading them, in a negative way. Personally, I do not mind this, as long as the list is not too long and unrealistic. I would hope that a person coming out of many years of partnership would have gained some wisdom from the experience. This is a good thing in my mind and I would rather meet someone who has some definite "partner/relationship aspirations", then some wishy-washy desperately lonely person who will settle for anyone.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">For myself, the big need in any future partner is communication. This is completely crucial to me. Gone are the days of suffering through endless hours with someone in a tension-filled silentfest, trying to guess what is wrong. My ex-husband was good at stomping around the house, slamming doors and cupboards, and virtually ignoring me or treating me coldly, for hours/days, instead of sitting down and talking to me about what was bothering him. In the beginning I would question him.....<i>what is wrong, why are you angry</i>? He would respond.....<i>you know perfectly well what is wrong</i>! After a while I just gave up and let him stomp and rage around. I am not a mind reader and I have no desire to be one. There seemed no point in wasting my energy trying to figure out why he was upset. So years passed by with many days wasted on unproductive negativity when all that was needed was COMMUNICATION. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I will admit that I am not perfect in this regard; sometimes I need time to process things but...I know that I do not treat my partner badly in the interim. I may be quiet while the processing is occurring but it does not take me very long to figure it out and then relay my thoughts, so that we can discuss the matter. This is simply the adult thing to do.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I was in a store the other day and witnessed a couple with a young baby. The man was asking the woman questions about what she wanted and if she liked this or that. The woman would not look at him and was answering his questions in monosyllables while looking at their child. The tension between them filled a space of a 25 foot circumference surround. I became physically sick to my stomach and had to quickly walk away.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Why oh why do people do this to themselves and their relationships? I simply do not understand. Is all this negativity and time wastage really necessary in a lifetime that is altogether too short? Why can't people just sit down with one another and communicate what is on their minds so they can start the process of understanding and recovery?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">It seems to me that if you love someone, it follows that you treat them with respect. In my mind, behaving coldly or nastily to your loved one does not equal respect. Respect equals sitting down calmly with your partner and communicating your thoughts. This is the only way to propagate a loving, understanding, and supportive environment for a healthy union.</div>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-61479371951083393742011-02-14T08:57:00.000-08:002012-02-19T17:21:53.311-08:00Encapturation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hBD3p1RPT-E/TVfujZmAhmI/AAAAAAAABnw/Rgf1q5ZCmOc/s1600/heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hBD3p1RPT-E/TVfujZmAhmI/AAAAAAAABnw/Rgf1q5ZCmOc/s400/heart.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FtUec5bR0mc/TVldpiPYnwI/AAAAAAAABn0/byviVofnA90/s1600/heartopen.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">To be captured..heart, soul, body, spirit..there is nothing that compares. </span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></i></span><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></i></span></div>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-36833024661487217842011-02-13T06:29:00.000-08:002012-02-19T05:49:33.659-08:00If you only knew....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BPz0nXQ1dGg/TVdn19rCZ5I/AAAAAAAABno/kzabGLkWyWk/s1600/nice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BPz0nXQ1dGg/TVdn19rCZ5I/AAAAAAAABno/kzabGLkWyWk/s400/nice.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />If you only knew...my feelings of inner peace and contentment, when you exhibit your tender and loving <i>Daddy </i>side, allowing me to curl up on your lap and disappear into you.<br /><br />If you only knew....that, when you scold me because I have spoken disrespectfully to you, it confirms to me that you will not let me "run" you. It has taken me a long time to find a man that I could not manipulate; a man I could respect.<br /><br />If you only knew....how completely erotic it is to me that you enjoy making me cry; that the sound of my screams and tears in response to your belt contacting my flesh, makes you hard. <br /><br />If you only knew....that I feel an equilibrium when with you; a functional homeostasis that allows me to breathe more deeply than I have in a very long time.<br /><br />If you only knew.....CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-9365029129630092892011-02-11T21:13:00.000-08:002012-02-19T05:49:33.715-08:00Where Need Becomes Desire<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-o6hsvX4lCUs/TVYSVB4aXkI/AAAAAAAABnc/8TDILfv43GI/s1600/heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-o6hsvX4lCUs/TVYSVB4aXkI/AAAAAAAABnc/8TDILfv43GI/s1600/heart.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div style="color: #cc0000;"><b>So tortuous the longing still</b></div><div style="color: #cc0000;"><b>the nights of twisted thoughts to fill</b></div><div style="color: #cc0000;"><b>the thirst, impossible to sate</b></div><div style="color: #cc0000;"><b>I lie again in pain.....in wait.</b></div><br />I need Him to guide me and take care of me...<br />to love me<br />to spank me when I am flying out of control<br />to sit down and talk to me when I need counsel<br />to slap me when I forget who I am talking to<br />to hug me when I need comfort<br />to use me as He sees fit.<br /><br />I need these boundaries in order to feel secure in my skin<br />while safely snuggled in His embrace.<br /><br />I need to make Him smile...<br />to love Him<br />to be submissive to Him<br />to help and support Him<br />to try and give Him what He wants<br />and let Him take what He needs.CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-38020748250147647462010-12-17T07:59:00.000-08:002012-02-19T05:49:33.662-08:00Good Tidings I bring....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TQuEK2gC8oI/AAAAAAAABnA/j-r1lF9E4vU/s1600/bonkers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TQuEK2gC8oI/AAAAAAAABnA/j-r1lF9E4vU/s1600/bonkers.jpg" /></a></div><br />I am here! So sorry to have left you for so long but, you know, life and all........<br /><br />It is the Christmas break. I have no school for 3 weeks. I finished my final exams and have done extremely well in all my courses. <br /><br />I would like nothing more than to rest for the next few days but I have social commitments that I need to uphold. I have arranged it so that my downtime will come <i>after </i>Christmas and I plan to not do much of anything, except travel to where the Rainman lives and allow him to <i>Daddy </i>me. *sigh* I am very much looking forward to that. He knows how to love me, he knows how to be strict with me, but, best of all.....he knows how to combine the two. He is turning out to be a very good "Taken in hand" type of man, which pleases me greatly; as I have been so preoccupied with my studies, I am looking forward to living and breathing <span style="color: #bf9000; font-size: large;"><i>sex</i></span> for a while.....I am pretty sure I can do that!<br /><br />On another note, living alone is wonderful! I get a secret little thrill from closing my very <i>own </i>apartment door behind me, when I get home at night...shutting the stressful world out of my life and escaping to my little oasis of calm. It makes me smile and it makes me happy. How nice is that?<br /><br />I wish you Happy Holidays and hope the year ahead is, well.....whatever you want it to be!<br /><br /><i>Charli</i> <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TQuG7ptArKI/AAAAAAAABnE/aXSceh9tZh0/s1600/bell.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TQuG7ptArKI/AAAAAAAABnE/aXSceh9tZh0/s200/bell.png" width="200" /></a></div>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2942850662669639187.post-83853706147993097142010-09-26T19:49:00.000-07:002012-02-19T05:49:33.710-08:00Hearing Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TKAFAqqeoCI/AAAAAAAABmw/LJ6Kywzgv9A/s1600/dominican.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OfI0WtfnCRU/TKAFAqqeoCI/AAAAAAAABmw/LJ6Kywzgv9A/s400/dominican.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">As the interphased day and night<br />Leaves the sky aglow with residual light,<br />My hungry eyes take in the feast<br />That tells me most, by saying least.<br /><br />A silent scene can stir the heart<br />With more power than mere words impart,<br />And leave you breathless, standing still-<br />Held captive by your own free will.</div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Trisha Taylor</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div>CharliB.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07348297302596893151noreply@blogger.com0