Surfacing

Sometimes in life
You get a second chance.
By some miraculous sweep of sympathetic synchronicity,
Situations align
Shining a light into your world
Brilliant, ethereal, blinding in its raw intensity...
And you know...
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, that who you see standing before you,
Is who you've known all along...in your mind;
You have searched,
Knowing that, within that deep space of longing and desire,
There lay an answer...your answer;
That inside this dream
Was hidden a reality
Waiting to surface, to show itself...
...for you, to you.
We all yearn for a beacon,
A loving, guiding, protective light
to manifest...outside ourselves;
Inside our world.
You are mine.

On finding your place...

For those who don't know my history, here is a brief synopsis.  My life was good.  For all intents and purposes it was a good and solid life.  I had a happy childhood and went on to marry a good man, a man I stayed with for 21 years.  I left that marriage a few years ago with the realization that, life is short, and that I, a submissive child/woman, could not realize her true self, with the man she was currently with...there were emotions and reciprocal passions I had yet to experience.  I did not know what I would find but....I felt empty and hollow and knew that I had to search.  I am so thankful that I listened to my inner yearnings...so very thankful.

Life is curious and wondrous.
One never knows in which direction it will go and...
when you contemplate the future and what your world might be like,
it is often not at all what comes to pass.

The contented and peaceful space I now find myself in, I could not have even imagined.  It is amusing now, at the age of 51, to realize that I have never been here before, and that it has taken this long to "find" that place.   In retrospect, however, I have always felt there was something missing, some elusive panacea that I only half-believed, truly existed. The days passed as days will do and life was just life.....going along and going along...then, I found B. and, in finding Him, I found IT...the something more my life was waiting for.

Within a whole-life context, the harmony I share with my new partner is stellar and perfect.  Within a D/s context, my struggles trying to find just "where" I belong in my submissive place, have finally been answered.  The ideal balance between real-world, and D/s world, exists for us.  The D/s is not overt yet lies, as an undercurrent, in our day to day world.  For me, it works well, as I am not "extreme" in my submissive leanings, and prefer a more subtle approach.

I write this for two reasons.  One, because I want to share my happiness, and two, because there are so many people living my previous situation...searching and struggling...trying to figure out just where they belong, looking for an answer to their feelings of emptiness and wanting.  What I want to say is this...there "is" an ideal situation out there for all of us.  It is too easy to settle for something that isn't quite right.  Our time on this planet is very very short and it is a tragedy to waste it.  I am not saying that it is easy.  I gambled a world of comfort and security, for the unknown.  It might not be the right choice for everyone, but I am very glad that I made it.

Find out who "you" are and be true to that discovery.
In the end, you are all that you have.
Don't let yourself down.

On Labeling

B and I were talking about the meaning of labels and how they can effectuate preconceived notions about what lies "under" the label.   We have both had the experience of meeting people who think they know what we, or our relationship, is all about....simply because we fall under the vague categories of Dominant and submissive.  He wrote these words in reaction to our conversation.

I am uncomfortable with labels that attempt to describe me and the relationships I am in.

Although I have somewhat left-of-center views of the world, and believe in living in an eco-respectful way, I don't believe there is an almighty being who watches over and guides us.  If you label or pigeon hole me as an atheist, tree-hugging liberal, you will have preconceived notions of who I am and what I am all about; this is impossible.  If you'd like to know about me, you'll have to get to know me.

It is true that the intimate relationship that I have with Charli does have a dynamic that involves deferral/submission/acquiescence, and that our sexual relationship and play does include restraint/spanking/pain, etc.; however it cannot be summed up by calling it a D/s relationship.  It is "our" relationship.  It evolves, adjusts, accommodates and has its very own life and uniqueness.  If you call me a DOM you will doubtless have a notion of who I am and how I function; that notion is likely to be more inaccurate than the reality.

The only label I am truly comfortable with is the one my parents chose to give me....my name, and that label says nothing about the person I am and what you can expect from me.

I like it that way.

B.

The Magic

Today I felt capitulation that I have not before experienced
A nudge, a beautiful nudge...toward freedom
The freedom to be, who I need to be
I gave more of myself to You
Without trying, or realizing it was happening
And...
You felt it too
You felt it and reacted...
Your Magic was palpable
The Magic that makes me crazy with love and desire.

We are synergistic...
We are exquisite...
Together.

A Sense of Entitlement

While discussing the concept of Dominance in a D/s relationship with B, it struck me that the whole feel of Dominance can be encapsulated and summed up in a few words.....A sense of entitlement. The Dominant partner "has" (or needs to have) this sense of entitlement within the relationship to enable the exchange of power.  If this is not present, this "knowing" that the entitlement is His, the depth and breadth of the dynamic will not be authentic.

I have spoken with many people who seem to "play" at the dynamic.  They play the part that is prescribed by what they read a D/s union should look like.  They follow the rules and protocols that others have named as making this kind of partnership a bona fide D/s one.  They go to play parties and gather the toys that are necessary to play these parts.

My submission is a feeling; it comes from my heart; it is not derived from labels or rules.  I don't want B to be a textbook Dominant.  I want Him to treat me and be with me, exactly the way His heart and mind direct Him to be.

These labels of "Dominant" and "Submissive" bother me.  These yearnings inside our souls are primal and only found by searching and acknowledging our inner-most needs.  Many are not able to do this.  People lock their feelings deep inside and never find the courage to admit to themselves who "themselves" truly are. This is sad.

I don't feel submissive because B spanks me but when He spanks me I feel His sense of entitlement over me and, knowing that I have entrusted Him with my life, makes me feel genuinely, blissfully, powerlessly, submissive.

You Suffer Beautifully

You suffer beautifully.
Those are the words He said to me...
My nipple trapped between His fingers
moans audible.....cunt leaking

I wanted to suffer for Him....
Give everything to Him
Oh how I love that delicious feeling
Of receiving pain
While He watches me squirm
Under His hand
Under His influence
Under His spell.

Sight

It is easy to lose sight of the important things in life.

It is easy to forget that our lives all hang on tenuous threads of borrowed time.

Sometimes situations are woven in such a way as to remind us of this fact.......and this is a good thing.

Our days are crowded with small stuff; stuff of little importance in the grand scheme of things.  And yet, often we let this excruciating minutia dominate us and our thoughts.  We lose our vision of what is real, what is good.

Often it takes someone special to alert us to the fact that we've gone too far; that we're walking the tightrope of inconsequential detail, and need to be brought back down to earth.

For those fortunate enough to have such a partner, it is comforting to know there is a boundary in place and that the situation will be dealt with, when we lose our way.

Cause we all do......from time to time.