My Demons

I'm getting out of hand again
and need to find my Dominant friend
the one who knows just what I need
when my inner beast I start to heed
he knows just how to reign me in
and so the process can begin
of subjugating me awhile
in Daddy-fashion Dominant style,
he knows just how to cut the cord
and how much slack he can afford
or when to draw and when to fold
to make me do what I am told.......

because,

My demons now are dark and near
their whispers constant in my ear
they sabotage the words I say
to make the "good" me go away
they need to be crushed to the ground
and humbled by a cane-like sound
or spanked down with a hand would do
until my flesh burned through and through
until my screams subdued the force
these beasts within that run their course
which need your firm and Dominant hand
to bring me back to calmer land.

In the Stillness of the Night

In the stillness of the night
he held me close and made me right
within the silence of the room
his hands caressed away my gloom
under gentle, watchful eye
he touched my skin and made me fly
and his voice was in my ears
gently soothing all my fears
and his teeth were in my skin
carving pain's delicious sin
his heart,
his essence,
he did lend;
I'm blessed to have him,
as my friend.

On Friendship

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Kahlil Gibran

Charli as a Desirable, Sexual Being?

My many years of living within a relationship based entirely on NON-sexuality has had the effect of making me not know how to respond to someone who finds me sexually appealing. More specifically, finds me desirable as a sexual being. As in, what are you saying exactly when you say that I am cute, or have nice breasts, or that I am very yummy? Are you objectifying me? Are you saying that that is ALL you like about me?

Now, on the surface you would think that I would be pleased to finally have someone "enjoy" me as a sexual person. But the reality is that, I am use to being loved for my humor, my personality, my character, etc., and NOT my body or my looks........so, for goodness sake, I have no idea how to handle someone who thinks of me as a "complete" woman!

The world is a very frightening place, Daddy.

The Comfort of Friends

Within your arms a calmness fell,
a hallowed place I don't know well,
within your kiss I squirmed inside,
where gentle yearnings still reside
within the soft, erotic space
I melted down without a trace,
of tensions that had come before,
I happened through your provocative door.

Nowhere to hide

Delicious Sin or nowhere to hide

In the darkness life is dear;
that is why he holds me here...
nowhere to wiggle,
nor to hide,
I struggle, as I fear inside
but sacred acts, and this is one,
are part of what we think is fun
while, technically, we play with life,
I feel the sharpness of the knife
and drip and moan and toss and beg
to feel his power, down my leg
and know that I belong to Him
absorbed in this delicious sin.



I am amazed
these days
I am amazed
at how I got it all wrong
at how bizarre the characters that make up my life are

How submissive do I want to be?

I am struggling with something. For the last couple of years I have been pondering this relatively new awareness of mine....the awareness of the submissive "self" within me. A self that, surely, has been there for most of my life, waiting for me to acknowledge and accept its existence. The last few months have been very difficult; leaving my marriage has left me floundering, feeling lost and without direction. I suppose it is because of these "empty" feelings that I have been questioning just how submissive I need/want to be as I go forward into my new life. My parents, especially my Father, raised me to be self-sufficient. He taught me how to use tools and fix things, how to change the oil in a car, how to build a deck. Within my marriage I was the "fixer", the "doer", the care taker of financial, and most other, matters. And now, as I sit here, alone for the first time in 22 years, I feel an intense yearning to have someone dictate my moves to me; to tell me what courses to take at school or where to look for a job, what steps to take, where to live, etc. I want to "react" to the direction of a trusted Dominant partner, one who knows "me" well, as opposed to dealing with the stress of having to figure it all out by myself.

It is very hard for me to even write these words; they go against everything that makes up the "me" that I have known for my entire life....and yet, I think that I have to begin to admit these twinges emanating from deep within.

I think I think I think....therefore I am, me.

So....just how submissive do I want to be?

*****************************************************

In the depth of my soul there is
A wordless song - a song that lives
In the seed of my heart.
It refuses to melt with ink on
Parchment; it engulfs my affection
In a transparent cloak and flows,
But not upon my lips.

How can I sigh it? I fear it may
Mingle with earthly ether;
To whom shall I sing it? It dwells
In the house of my soul, in fear of
Harsh ears.

From:
A Tear and a Smile
Kahlil Gibran

The Important Things

look into my eyes

touch my skin

no, it's not overtly sexual...

it's the firm grasp of your hand encircling my wrist

it's the way you dig your nails into my back when your arm is around me

it's the gentle tug on my hair when we're walking down the street

it's the soft whisper of, "Daddy's going to make you cry when we get home", while standing in line at the grocery store

it's the way you look at me from across the room

it's the way you button up my coat before we leave the restaurant

it's the act of you shoving your fingers down my throat and giving me a "good girl" when I don't gag

it's the sound of your voice proclaiming "mine" as you pinch me until I gasp

it's being spanked *hard* because I've done something to displease you

it's having my face slapped for a similar infringement

it's knowing you won't let me get away with anything; that you'll hold me accountable for my actions, in any way you see fit

....that's how I know that you love me,
that you care,
that I'm Yours.

Reality Bites

Back to Ontario, where reality lives;
grown up decisions are begging to be made but...
those all around me are drowning in chaos,
while chaos is the last thing that I want to see,
shall I push them away,
disregard their pleas;
concentrate only on me?

And...

If I sit long enough without making a decision
maybe a decision will be made without me?
while I type out these words
all creatively like....
things will just happen, whilst I sip my tea...

Cause the truth will be told,
and I'll tell it in case
I've not glimpsed the direction,
that I'm meant to face...
oh sure I've had inklings,
and smidgeons or two,
but no clear-cut pathway,
of what I'm s'pose to do.