On wine gums and feeling Lost

When will my new home start feeling like the right place?

When will my past life start feeling like the wrong place; start feeling like the past?

Were the choices I made, made for the right reasons?

When I start feeling right, will I stop feeling lost?

Am I living the life I am suppose to be living?

Does Maynards put a drug in Wine Gums to make them so addictive?



Anyway, I am back here in the land of the people that write drivel in blogs so I suppose I should keep up appearances....

With regard to this whole BDSM thing, I am completely unaware of where I stand as it has taken on a much less important flavor in my new life. I believe this is because I have many other things to think/worry about at the moment and don't feel inclined to spend time focusing on my lust filled loins....although, I do spend some time. The Rain Man is still putting up with me and is very much a part of my life but, alas, I do frustrate him so. One minute I am begging for a D/s relationship and the next I am giving him grief and being anything BUT submissive to him.....the man is a Saint, to be quite honest. I think he regards me as a challenge and a challenge is definitely what I give him, though not on purpose (most of the time).

I attended another play party, this time a public one, and I enjoyed it much more than the private one as I was able to sink into the background and "lurk" and "leer", which was a heck of alot of fun. My goodness the odd spectacles, and people, I encountered! Yes, good fun it was! I did not "play", although the Rain Man wanted to; but the only place available was right under the crowd's nose and I wanted to hide in the back so we wouldn't be seen. I am definitely NOT that brave, nor that exhibitionistic, to be way out in the open making a spectacle of myself! *shudder*

So, I await the beginning of my course, which starts in September, and wander around my new city wondering what, exactly, I am suppose to "be" and "do".

When I have all the answers, I will let you know.