For 21 years I lived in a bubble and did not have to interact, to any great extent, with the outside world.....this includes working, as I worked from home. I am now realizing how very difficult it is to navigate through this sea and deal with the human emotions and politics of my fellow humans.
The issue that I have is this.....why can't people just bloody well SAY what is on their mind, instead of just thinking it, and allowing issues (and relationships) to degrade and rot? I need honesty. I need open communication. I am NOT a mind reader.
My Dominant male friend and support of the last many months (The Rainman) is no longer in my life because he is an assumer. He assumes that I know what the hell is going on inside him without actually "telling" me what is...or talking to me about it. He assumes that I am aware of stuff, simply because he is and, though I've told him I cannot reach inside his mind and suck information out, he doesn't quite understand. The ironic thing is that he always wanted me to be open and communicative with him.
I simply can't deal with this.
My one and only girlfriend (in my new city) and I, joined a hiking club and met a very personable man. He wanted to go out for a drink with me but, because I did not want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship, I asked my girlfriend if she was interested in this man....if she had said yes, I would not have gone for a drink with him. Well....she said NO but apparently did not really mean NO and now our relationship has deteriorated.
How can I operate in this world if people are not going to be straight with me?
Now school has started and the overwhelmsion factor is high and, frankly....overwhelming. Because many of my classmates have previous knowledge of some of the subjects we are covering, I am finding myself having to work like a blue-assed fly to keep up. I don't mind working hard, however, and I will rise above this challenge; it would just be easier to concentrate if I was still in my bubble.
It's funny that you should have your rant today when I finally started writing in the blog my Goddess and I keep about something that had been on my mind for the better part of the last decade.
ReplyDeleteI don't presume to have all the answers, but I do hope to share over time some good road maps, and to provide a reminder that there are some good people, and some good matches, out there.
Keep hopeful, learn from the past, and beware of those who aren't willing to do for you, even in a different manner, what you're willing to do for them.
Good luck!
Dymion
Owned and collared by Goddess Selena.
I am relieved to read that I am not the only one that has difficulty with this. Some days I want to shout and drag people by the hair because they do not seem to have the ability to speak what they really feel, or worse, they feel they have to be untruthful, for whatever reason. I have approached the age where I am now aware of the great importance of, not diplomacy, but HONESTY. Diplomacy is usually what politicians use to be deceitful. We deserve to know/hear the truth (from everyone), not some bullshit that is being spewed to save our feelings, or save the "spewer's" face. If much of what is being said to us (or not said), often by our close friends or relatives, is not the "truth", how can we effectively communicate with one another, how can we hope to achieve a higher state of connection???
ReplyDeleteSorry to spew. This is a subject I am passionate about. Can you tell?
Andrea
Thank you, Dymion. I have read your first installment and look forward to the rest.
ReplyDeleteAndrea...I am sorry to have stirred up so many negative emotions in you...*smile*
Feel free to spew. We all need to.
Charli (lovely name, btw)
ReplyDeleteI share your chagrin when confronted with those who expect you to read their minds...and am hurtfully resentful when punished for failing to do so. I believe the solution you adopted in the case you mention, is possibly, in the long run, the least painful. Although I sense you grieve for the relationship lost, and are at a loss as to how to deal with your friend, I believe that your approach is one that will lead you to less hurt and wasted time in the final analysis. Keep your eyes and ears open; there are millions of people out there who are genuinely worth having friendships with, who CAN be taken at face value. One thing I will offer---you might tell your friend about this problem you're having with someone you're friends with, and then gently lead her to see who you're talking about---so she knows how you feel; then perhaps the two of you can at least discuss saving your friendship.
Thank you for your comment/advice Vonov. I suppose I once knew how to traverse life but, while in my marriage, I never really "had" to. The learning curve is great, and challenging, but then, so is life.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to meet you, btw. *smile*
I agree!! Life is simpler if we are honest!
ReplyDeleteI read your rant and would like to offer this, as a way to reconnect with your friend as I've experienced that same type of situation earlier in life. After sharing a coffee, a laugh and being open we were able to continue to be friends.
ReplyDeleteShare with her the fact that you do appreciate your relationship and be honest. Had she shared her thoughts, you'd have respected it and not gone out with the individual.
Seems she lacks the ability to be open and honest-a learned behaviour, I think.
Something else I would like to add,as told to me by a female friend "Man come and go, girlfriends are
forever"