Idle Thoughts, Random Mind
Notes from the edge of Cuba

Through your eyes

I am only as you see me;
it matters not how I look through my eyes for the vision you make of me is all I desire to be.

When you see me I am beautiful,
a girl worthy of your adoration.
What more do I need!?

If I remain trapped within my walls,
I will succumb to the decay of a thousand poison thoughts,
Uncover me, before the erosion becomes irreversible.
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Because she'd been living a lie for so long, the truth was difficult to find.
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It matters not if the words are cryptic, the meaning unclear. People will choose the message they want to hear, they need to hear. This will always be true, regardless of the clarity of the presentation.
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Never pretend to love someone.
Never pretend to be happy in bed when you're not.
Never go out with anyone who isn't as glad to see you, as you are to see them.
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With the passage of time, what was once love, can turn into something else.....habitual comfort; respect is replaced with tolerance.
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"Be still", he said,
but...
he did not understand that,
although she could "still" her body,
a thousand warrior thoughts waged constant battle inside her head,
rendering the comparative stillness of her physical body just one more contradiction/conflict for her to deal with.
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One can only truly be "themselves" in a place where they are unknown, if no one knows you, there are no preconceived expectations of behavior, on either side.
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With alacrity and youthful heart,
I long for life to finally start,
and shed this old and dowdy clothes,
to strike a new and different pose.
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I feel like I've done all this before,
because I have.
Life just keeps going around in circles and I find myself taking the same pictures,
over and over again;
the only thing that changes is the way my face looks in the mirror.
Is this it then?
A continuous ride on the same merry-go-round..........year after year until I drop dead?

Hay mas?
Algo differente?
Dios Mios!
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Note to Self

Silence is as silence does, the truth is never said;
a once important soulful thought,
will die inside your head.
Nothing lost is nothing gained and no one ever loses,
Chances come and they will go, but a beggar never chooses.
Life is but a passing glance,
before the curtain falls...
Look way up,
begin the climb;
scale your prison walls.
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There is BIG STUFF, big stuff to feel that
No one tells you, no one CAN tell you.
Stuff you'd kill for, DIE for;
Stuff that you were BORN for.
____________________________________________

He says....

When we first met, all those years ago, I felt her succumb to me so swiftly, it almost hurt. It seemed too simple, too OBVIOUS. I didn't believe life could BE that simple. For me she tightened herself willingly into a ball. I felt dutybound to UNTWIST her, soothe and smooth her.

In this I failed: I could not persuade her not to love me.


She says...

He came to rescue me!
I could almost see my way through the maze as he took my hand and ran with me.
He sucked at my dried out nipples, put his fingers in my atrophied cunt, lay across my barren back, encircled me.
I clutched the quilt with wind-dried hands and kissed his shoulder with my bitter lips.
Slowly he touched me, slowly he turned me, moulding me into what he wanted until I was crying and screaming - how I love him!!
And still he held me, like a lighthouse he would lead me, never leave me, like the Rock of Gibraltar he would heave me, rock me, ream me, until my years of being half-alive worked themselves into a torrent of wanting and having - and being.


He says...

Let me tell you of our story
of the now and never will be
of the sorrow and the changes
How I loved her, loved and left her.

See me take her, turn her, learn her
See me take her hands and lead her,
To the bed we shared that night.

Leave us there upon the bed now
Trembling, awkward, stunned, delighted,
Silence all her protestations,
all her mournful lamentations
Close the circle of her questions.


She says...

I go to him, I will be with him, as long as he will have me.....my fingers on his chest, his thighs, his cock, his lips - my new bag of of worldly possessions.

And we will cry together, for he has "saved me", saved me from the underworld. If only life could stop right now, so we would never have to leave this room, never have to think again about the past or the future. You are the wind, the sea, the ground beneath me. You are everything. If only it could all end now.

Thus, in my ecstasy, I dream of apocalypse. Unable to save the world, I toy with its destruction.


He says....

Even if she remembers me, she probably hasn't forgiven me. Women never seem to understand how easily one can fall into being a bastard just by trying to do the Right Thing! All my sins of obfuscation, prevarication, procrastination, fornication, What a jerk I was!

Absolve me, please!!!