Awakening

A year ago today
He kissed me
for the first time
wove His hands through my hair
yanked my head back
and kissed me
forcefully
deeply

I melted
I oozed
I swooned;
I knew,
that I had finally found
what it was I was looking for
in one moment of time
it was there
He was there
in front of me

and I no longer had to pretend
or fantasize
about what it would be like
when/if one day it happened

my soul opened up
and felt free to experience
whatever it was that I desired;
all that I had kept hidden
in my heart
for so many years
knowing that revealing myself
would open the door for ridicule
and disgust
knowing that wanting to serve a man
to live for him and through him
to be protected by, and suffer for him
would not be understood by those around me
and so I became use to feeling ashamed
until...

one day
a year ago
He kissed me
for the first time
and my world changed

completely