Good Tidings I bring....

I am here!  So sorry to have left you for so long but, you know, life and all........

It is the Christmas break.  I have no school for 3 weeks.  I finished my final exams and have done extremely well in all my courses. 

I would like nothing more than to rest for the next few days but I have social commitments that I need to uphold.  I have arranged it so that my downtime will come after Christmas and I plan to not do much of anything, except travel to where the Rainman lives and allow him to Daddy me.   *sigh*   I am very much looking forward to that.  He knows how to love me, he knows how to be strict with me, but, best of all.....he knows how to combine the two.  He is turning out to be a very good "Taken in hand" type of man, which pleases me greatly; as I have been so preoccupied with my studies, I am looking forward to living and breathing sex for a while.....I am pretty sure I can do that!

On another note, living alone is wonderful!  I get a secret little thrill from closing my very own apartment door behind me, when I get home at night...shutting the stressful world out of my life and escaping to my little oasis of calm.  It makes me smile and it makes me happy.  How nice is that?

I wish you Happy Holidays and hope the year ahead is, well.....whatever you want it to be!

Charli

Hearing Silence

As the interphased day and night
Leaves the sky aglow with residual light,
My hungry eyes take in the feast
That tells me most, by saying least.

A silent scene can stir the heart
With more power than mere words impart,
And leave you breathless, standing still-
Held captive by your own free will.

Trisha Taylor

 

On the Power of Hugs

My desire to be embraced is sometimes so powerful that I start to grow panicky.  I now really know how those poor elderly people that I visit in the nursing homes feel.  The need for human contact, human touch, is an intense and biting hunger.  When an older person that has been without physical contact is embraced, he clings to you in a desperate, childlike way. I feel what that is like, I know what that is like.  A few long months ago I craved the sexually forceful touch of a Dominant male; now I simply want to be encompassed/consumed within a safe harbor of masculine strength.  I am, obviously, in a different place at the moment.

It is a hunger, like any other, but, honest to goodness, I often feel as though I am starving to death.

A Rant about Honesty and Open Communication

For 21 years I lived in a bubble and did not have to interact, to any great extent, with the outside world.....this includes working, as I worked from home.  I am now realizing how very difficult it is to navigate through this sea and deal with the human emotions and politics of my fellow humans.

The issue that I have is this.....why can't people just bloody well SAY what is on their mind, instead of just thinking it, and allowing issues (and relationships) to degrade and rot?   I need honesty.  I need open communication.  I am NOT a mind reader.

My Dominant male friend and support of the last many months (The Rainman) is no longer in my life because he is an assumer.  He assumes that I know what the hell is going on inside him without actually "telling" me what is...or talking to me about it. He assumes that I am aware of stuff, simply because he is and, though I've told him I cannot reach inside his mind and suck information out, he doesn't quite understand.  The ironic thing is that he always wanted me to be open and communicative with him.

I simply can't deal with this.

My one and only girlfriend (in my new city) and I, joined a hiking club and met a very personable man. He wanted to go out for a drink with me but, because I did not want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship, I asked my girlfriend if she was interested in this man....if she had said yes, I would not have gone for a drink with him.  Well....she said NO but apparently did not really mean NO and now our relationship has deteriorated.

How can I operate in this world if people are not going to be straight with me? 

Now school has started and the overwhelmsion factor is high and, frankly....overwhelming.  Because many of my classmates have previous knowledge of some of the subjects we are covering, I am finding myself having to work like a blue-assed fly to keep up.  I don't mind working hard, however, and I will rise above this challenge; it would just be easier to concentrate if I was still in my bubble.

Our Dance

We dance so slowly
eyes entwined;
lost in lust...
You spank
and..
I melt into your hand,
we play against each other
so deliciously
You control
and You control so efficiently that our carnal interlude fills me with calm
I want to come for You
to please You
to do anything that will encourage....ensure,
that You do not cease your erotic direction
of my body and my mind.

Dating Sites

My observations:

According to their tag lines, most men are looking for one of the following:

their "one"
their last true love
a decent honest woman
a down to earth woman
a sincere woman
a simple woman (good one)
a sensible woman

You have to wonder how many of these tag lines are code for........a woman to fuck.  I don't like to be negative but I am betting there are alot of serial daters on these sites; men and women.

The majority of men have:

dogs, children, motorcycles or cars that they love getting their picture taken beside......especially dogs and children

A good percentage of men are 5' 8" or under

I'd say 80% of profiles contain spelling and/or grammar mishaps

Most profiles are very short, 5 lines or less, so contain very little information about the person

 ________________________________________

It is necessary to have a strong stomach for this kind of thing; I don't find it easy at all, whether on vanilla or BDSM sites.  Having said that, I suppose it is better than meeting men in bars or at parties but, it becomes rather confusing after a while; the faces, words, and names all blend in together and, while there could be a GREAT man amongst them, it becomes difficult to SEE.

The Perils of Single Life

I got stood up today.

I drove a bloody hour to meet someone who never showed.

This has left me feeling really icky inside; I suppose, in part, because my "state" of being is a rather vulnerable one these days, due to the events that have occurred over the last few months in my life.

First of all, I have always considered myself (until now) to be a good judge of character.  My judgment has, up until this point, never failed me in any significant way....BUT, all of a sudden THIS has been shattered.  You see I really thought this man was a good one; he wasn't, and so.....how do I trust my judgment again?

Secondly, my level of emotion surprised me, while I was standing there waiting for him...after 20 minutes...and realizing he was not likely to show, I started feeling like a complete idiot, perched on the street like that.  I also began feeling really really sorry for myself......like what a sad loser am I, sort of thing.

Interesting........

I really hope that this is not an omen of things to come, in my new "single" life.

The last thing I want is to become one of those embittered women that I keep hearing about (from men).......go figure.

*sigh*

I need a hug.