Saturday, July 18, 2009

Devastation


If ever I needed a guiding force in my life, it is now

If ever I needed you to take-me-in-hand, it is now

I am lost in a sea of debris…21 years of detritus to navigate through

The emotional toil is insufferable and I now understand why people stay where they are, stagnant relationships being infinitely more pleasing than uprooting a trunk, bound deeply into the heart and soul of its soil

My husband is not the only casualty; daily I question the wisdom of being the bearer of so much despair; often I want to turn to him and tell him it was all a joke, that I was just kidding, that I would never do that to him….

But I am doing it…tearing into little pieces of the empire that, together, we constructed, of laughter and tears, over the course of, what seems like, a lifetime

If you ask me “why”, I will look at you with blank expression, the urgent need to escape forgotten, in the present path of destruction

So…please take me now, away from this place of desolation; free me from myself and let me rest my weary and submissive spirit on your shoulders

Feed me, fucking feed me........please

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7 comments:

  1. AnonymousJuly 19, 2009 at 11:42 AM

    Charli, the irony.... Just read this now... after i sent you my email... your joy is at hand... sorrow must come first... charlie...

    ReplyDelete
  2. finbarJuly 21, 2009 at 5:36 PM

    charli, my heart goes out to you! i know the grief you must be feeling, the ending of any relationship is painful, and the path is wrought with emotional upheaval after emotional upheaval.

    i wish you strength and wisdom.

    finbar.

    ReplyDelete
  3. moonheartJuly 22, 2009 at 5:32 PM

    Dearest, sweet Charli,

    so sorry for my silence. But here i am, reading your words of pain and sadness. I embrace you in my thoughts, i send you lots of sweet kisses and strength, i put a virtual arm around you and i hope that my words will bring you some comfort. My heart is with you sweet Charli and i wish you all the best..... I wish i could do more for you.

    Hugs and xxx moonheart

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  4. CharliJuly 26, 2009 at 6:09 AM

    Thank you Charlie, I will look forward to the joy.

    Finbar, thank you; I am trying to find the strength (I know I put it somewhere)....wisdom?....hmmmmm....what's that?

    Thanks mo., I could certainly use the hug, lots of hugs.....HUG back to you (I sent you an email, did you get it?)

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  5. AnonymousJuly 26, 2009 at 7:28 PM

    Good luck this week Charli... i am here for you... whenever, and however i can be... just reach out and i am there... Your friend, Charlie

    ReplyDelete
  6. S.August 2, 2009 at 12:57 PM

    Charli, I was once where you are now, in this. Twenty years, and I didn't think I'd survive the break. But I did. It was only in the breaking that I was able to give way to what was to follow, and I will tell you that the years since, have been infinitely better than the years during.

    Be patient. Ride the storm. There's calm and glory at the horizon.

    My best to you,
    S.

    ReplyDelete
  7. pammieAugust 2, 2009 at 3:32 PM

    Beautiful photos. I added a link to your blog from mine.

    pammie

    ReplyDelete

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