The man made me cry with his kindness. His strong arms enveloped me while his words of protection and caring soothed me. All my stored tears escaped as I melted into his embrace like a wounded little girl...and I was all the more grateful, for I knew that he would not take advantage of my vulnerability; that his arms would only hold me; that his hands would only stroke my hair, and I would not be asked to give anything I was not comfortable in giving. "No strings attached", he said, and I felt, in that moment, that I could never pull myself away; that I needed to stay inside the safety net he was offering. But then....I awoke, and realized that the real world was where I needed to be; that I would have to learn to accept the embrace of uncertainty and fear, at least for a little while...at least until I grew up and could stand on my own 2 feet, without searching for arms to steady me. Thursday, February 18, 2010
On learning how to walk
The man made me cry with his kindness. His strong arms enveloped me while his words of protection and caring soothed me. All my stored tears escaped as I melted into his embrace like a wounded little girl...and I was all the more grateful, for I knew that he would not take advantage of my vulnerability; that his arms would only hold me; that his hands would only stroke my hair, and I would not be asked to give anything I was not comfortable in giving. "No strings attached", he said, and I felt, in that moment, that I could never pull myself away; that I needed to stay inside the safety net he was offering. But then....I awoke, and realized that the real world was where I needed to be; that I would have to learn to accept the embrace of uncertainty and fear, at least for a little while...at least until I grew up and could stand on my own 2 feet, without searching for arms to steady me. 
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"I awoke, and realized that the real world was where I needed to be"
ReplyDeleteLiving a sm/bdsm/ *real* relationship is like creating your own bubble. You have to master the real world first and then you can become what you've always dreamed of.
Uncertainty and fear can not exist in an intense relationship : the pressure would put too much strain on every power/emotional exchange.
I understand your message and your point and you feeling the need to grow up, but I'd like to say that a bdsm relationship is all about confidence, freedom, self exploration and deep exchange with the loved one.
But you're a fantastic woman and I know you know that already.
Have a great day Charli ! *hug*
as one vanilla woman to another..no wait...i'm not so vanilla anymore...finding my submissive side at 50 was...alarming, challenging, freeing and ...a journey i continue to grow into. I still have my vanilla relationship (a vanilla lesbian of 32 years) and one that has no knowledge of what i have become.
ReplyDeleteBlogging stories of the fantasies that swirled inside me led to to explore more and more...and then i found myself a Sir, someone who cares about me way more than my vanilla wife, who cherishes my submission, who continues to pull me to explore and grow in my newfound life as a sub/slave/slut.
Gotta tell you...i've never, ever been happier.
nilla
vanillamom.wordpress.com
Dear girl there is no reason why you cannot have both simultaneously I think that you need someone to take good care of you and doubt you will have trouble finding someone who is willing to do just that but please find a man who can also assist you in being the best person you can be and pushes you to attain independence while also nurturing your shining child spirit. It is possible charli, you only need to look in the right places.
ReplyDeleteBut Gabriel, does anyone ever really "master" the real world, or live without some measure of uncertainty and fear? Perhaps I will never feel "grown up", perhaps I will always question my "path" in this world; maybe it is right to never know if you have "arrived", maybe it is right to not be "confident" in all areas of your life. Maybe I expect WAY too much of myself.
ReplyDeleteHi nilla, I guess I am not so vanilla anymore either (thank goodness). Thank you for sharing your experience; I read some of your stories and have to say.....they are VERY erotic.
I think that is right, Jonathan, I need to find the correct "balance" and also perhaps "allow" someone to help me do so and try to lose some of this independence that I cling to so desperately.
"Perhaps I will never feel "grown up", perhaps I will always question my "path" in this world; maybe it is right to never know if you have "arrived", maybe it is right to not be "confident" in all areas of your life. Maybe I expect WAY too much of myself."
ReplyDeleteOh how I understand totally and completely what you are saying and find that I am feeling and struggling with the same.
ah...I am glad I am not the only confused soul, Irony's sub....very glad.
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