For those who don't know my history, here is a brief synopsis. My life was good. For all intents and purposes it was a good and solid life. I had a happy childhood and went on to marry a good man, a man I stayed with for 21 years. I left that marriage a few years ago with the realization that, life is short, and that I, a submissive child/woman, could not realize her true self, with the man she was currently with...there were emotions and reciprocal passions I had yet to experience. I did not know what I would find but....I felt empty and hollow and knew that I had to search. I am so thankful that I listened to my inner yearnings...so very thankful.
Life is curious and wondrous.
One never knows in which direction it will go and...
when you contemplate the future and what your world might be like,
it is often not at all what comes to pass.
The contented and peaceful space I now find myself in, I could not have even imagined. It is amusing now, at the age of 51, to realize that I have never been here before, and that it has taken this long to "find" that place. In retrospect, however, I have always felt there was something missing, some elusive panacea that I only half-believed, truly existed. The days passed as days will do and life was just life.....going along and going along...then, I found B. and, in finding Him, I found IT...the something more my life was waiting for.
Within a whole-life context, the harmony I share with my new partner is stellar and perfect. Within a D/s context, my struggles trying to find just "where" I belong in my submissive place, have finally been answered. The ideal balance between real-world, and D/s world, exists for us. The D/s is not overt yet lies, as an undercurrent, in our day to day world. For me, it works well, as I am not "extreme" in my submissive leanings, and prefer a more subtle approach.
I write this for two reasons. One, because I want to share my happiness, and two, because there are so many people living my previous situation...searching and struggling...trying to figure out just where they belong, looking for an answer to their feelings of emptiness and wanting. What I want to say is this...there "is" an ideal situation out there for all of us. It is too easy to settle for something that isn't quite right. Our time on this planet is very very short and it is a tragedy to waste it. I am not saying that it is easy. I gambled a world of comfort and security, for the unknown. It might not be the right choice for everyone, but I am very glad that I made it.
Find out who "you" are and be true to that discovery.
In the end, you are all that you have.
Don't let yourself down.
Thank you for this. Sincerely, Thank you. I am on that cusp, and most of the world, and my own common sense tell me not to take that step, despite that small insistent inner voice that tells me to keep traveling this path. I have begun to discover who I am, but walking away after 30 years, well, you can relate.
ReplyDeleteIf you wish to correspond, email me. I would be happy to chat with you.
ReplyDeleteCharli
Charli,
ReplyDeleteI happened on to your blog by chance after reading a post response you had written on another blog. I am a man. I too left a marriage of 20 something years because I was both unhappy and because I knew there was something more out there. I found what I needed - a dominant woman. Your story from a female perspective resonated with me completely. We both took risks. We both sacrificed lots of comforts and security. I can say that I found so much more and am so fulfilled serving the woman I love and married. Thanks for sharing so honestly.
I am glad you had the courage to journey forth and find your true place. Don't you wish you could impart your experience and wisdom on others who find themselves in "our" previous situation? I do, and I try! Thanks for sharing your words with me.
ReplyDeleteCharli