Thursday, February 26, 2009

Puppet Master Sequence

Primera Vez

Under the Influence

He claimed me
from the first hello kiss
hair tightly in hand
head pulled back
lips pressed hard, unyielding
tongue penetrating surprised mouth
body clamped in strong embrace
as if to say
you are Mine now, for this moment...
please don't forget it
with only a gesture,
or one small action...
his hand clamped around my wrist
fingers digging into flesh...
hands unceremoniously exploring,
my body;
eyes inspecting every pore,
every detail...
and with each touch,
each sound
each....."look at me!" command
I am deeper...
and further...
under the influence.


The Puppet

I am but a puppet on a string
my body and mind compliant,
he molds me
limbs maneuvered and plied
mind opened and explored
I am bound;
not by ropes
but something far more powerful
the "knowing" is there
no convention
no pretense
he is making me His
and I am willingly allowing myself
to be made.


impaled on his fingers,
they dance inside me
making me writhe and squirm,
moan and beg
such a responsive little cunt puppet;
does he enjoy the control
being my Puppet Master affords?

El Fin

....and I am that puppet
reveling in the blissful sensations
of willful capitulation,
experiencing these feelings for the first time
is like........
waking up in a room that I have been staring into for so long,
unable to enter because I didn't have the key,
now that I am inside,
I never want to leave.

Art: Michael Parkes, Puppet Master

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What the Heck!

I have taken some flack lately for posting an article written by Dr. Phil. I posted this piece of writing, which I found in a magazine, because it touched something inside and helped me to recognize the fact that I have, in my lifetime, done many things solely to please others and have sacrificed my personal beliefs and philosophies to keep the peace and maintain equilibrium.

The article was clear and powerful, it evoked emotion within me and I know that if something has moved me in some way, there is 100% probability it will have the same effect on someone else.

This is the reason that I posted "Free Yourself from Fear".

All I know of Dr. Phil is that he has a show on TV, which I have never seen, and has written some books, which I have never read.

I did not judge the author or the source but simply accepted the fact that the message was powerful to me. As my friend David put it.....some individuals have let the messenger overshadow the message.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Transparency of Emotional Fabric

You are at the threshold of your life; age is not a factor for the mind knows all. All that matters is born of thought, and we are, what we want to be; we are, how we craft ourselves. We hold the needle and weave it through our actions, our words. Our garment is pieced together from patches of our consciousness....illusions, hopes, realities....all are assembled by our own hands; designed by our own psyche...

Whether the fabric be sewn with sensitivity and love, or haphazardly riveted together from patches of resentment and anger. Either way, the evidence will show in the way it is worn.

The cloak, fashioned from all our experiences; meant to protect us and keep us in comfort, ironically, exposes us for all we are. In bright light we stand, surrounded by our fabric...the colors and moods of our emotions shining brightly on our sleeves.

Our cloak, lovingly and painstakingly created, has become transparent, and we are, as we were born.....vulnerable.

On the joy of wearing the transparent cloak....

It is through the embracing of my submissive qualities that I have discovered the joy and bliss of being "seen". In fact, I am so addicted to the phenomenon now that I become desperate to reveal "all", the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a purging, in a sense; a cleansing of the be interpreted, to be assessed, as never before, completely and totally...exposure to the extreme.

The revelation; the subsequent "nakedness" produces, for me, an acquiescence so blindingly pure, so raw and erotic, it is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I am there, in the moment, existing only for Him; wanting nothing more than to "consume" everything He gives me....His heart, hands, body, eyes, hunger is excruciating in its intensity.

I am alive.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Inspection

His eyes, they paralyze me
mesmerize me...
glaring into my soul until I want to hide;
conceal my face and body
from this permeation...
this intrusion of Him,


there is nowhere to run;
I am trapped in His gaze, unable to move,
hands infiltrating the spaces on my body
His spaces,
His body,
as I stand, exposed
submitting to this inspection;
knowing I will not run,


to be His possession,
is purely sublime.

Two Sides of One Coin.....How Many Hats do You Have?

I still have a hard time reconciling the two faces;
cannot easily comprehend how it is possible that they belong to the same person...
the loving, caring, Dominant man, on this side,
the sadistic, Dominant man, on that side;
the line is not blurred...
to me it is black and white and I don't understand how you can cross it,
so readily;
at the drop of a hat,
you are one person;
the next hat falls,
and you are another.
It is frightening to me,
this jekyl and hydeness...
this changing of hats,
that comes so easily;
that is so natural,
to you...
provokes trepidation and unrest,
in me.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

In the Dark of the Night

I pray that in the dark of night
I will experience you,
the silence folds around my flesh
and my mind envelops you,
where once we played and sang and danced
is filled with only memories
that echo each and every footstep I dare to take
along the corridors that once were...
a soul is searching; if only you were aware
that days may pass
but I still care.

Friday, February 20, 2009


This word won't leave my mind;

Such a lovely word....


Please Sir,

Please Daddy,

Please what?

I don't know exactly.

I need so much.....

need you to touch me,

to command me,

to free me,

to make me,

to use me,

to hurt me......

I think that,

there is nothing that I do not need.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

My Tears

I give you my tears,

you force them from my body

scream for me little girl, show me your core

your Dominant sadistic lust drives you to disassemble me;

expose me for everything I am but don't want to be,

self conscious



you take everything

rip every shred of resistance from my being

until I am

exactly what you need me to be,





Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Free Yourself from Fear

This article has clarified some things for me. I had no idea how much of my life has been, and still is, dominated by fear. Because these words have touched me deeply, I know that others here will benefit from them as well, and so wanted to share this with all of you.

Fear -- of failure, of change, or of disappointing others -- can cause us to make decisions that rob us of true happiness.

By Dr. Phil McGraw

Have you been allowing fear to dominate your life, why you do what you do, and even where you do it? I'm not talking about day-to-day fears of things like spiders, heights, and public speaking; we all have those.

What I'm talking about is the stomach-turning realization that just about every major decision you've ever made has been to please, appease, or somehow meet the needs of everyone -- except yourself. The realization that you have sold out on yourself and your dreams because you were afraid you might fail or displease those people whose opinions you value.

I'm talking about the fact that you make decisions because you're scared to death of what might happen if you don't take the safe way out. That you will settle for what you don't want instead of pushing for what you do want because you are afraid you might not get it and are scared of how much that would hurt. You are afraid that if you don't settle for a "bird in the hand" you will never get the two in the bush. I'm talking about the fact that you will tell yourself no over and over again because you don't want to face the fear associated with taking a risk of falling flat on your face and thus allowing people in your life to say, "I told you so!"

Rather than possibly standing alone or having to fight for what you truly wanted, dreamed of, or hoped for, you went along with the crowd or let somebody else -- maybe your spouse, parents, friends, or employers -- tell you what you should like, want, or do. Peer pressure, unfortunately, is not an adolescent-only phenomenon. The dangerous thing about a fear-based mind-set is that it paralyzes you and puts you in a comfort zone that's safe and predictable, but causes you to waste precious time in your life on things you don't really want. You've stayed in that comfort zone, scared to death that you would be rejected, that you would fail, disappoint, hurt, or be too much trouble if you dared to say, "Wait a minute, what about me? What about what I want or need?"

Any of this sound familiar? If so, rest assured you're not the only one living this way. In my opinion, probably 80 percent of all decisions are fear-based.

I've been there myself many times. For example, I stayed in private practice for years for all the wrong reasons -- for my dad, for my family, for a society that smiles on young, successful doctors. But it wasn't what I wanted to do. Finally I woke up, looked in the mirror and realized I didn't much like who I saw. That's when I started taking steps to close down my practice and open up a trial consulting firm that (while very risky) turned out to be more fun than the law should allow. Fifteen years later, after discussing it with my family, I took another leap, moving to Hollywood to pursue my own television show. I guess you could say the rest is history.

What Happened to the Real You?

When you discover or finally admit, as I did, that fear has been driving your decisions and interactions with others, you'll usually find that it's due to a disconnect between who you think you're supposed to be and your authentic self. The authentic self is the you that flourished unselfconsciously during those times in life when you felt happiest and most fulfilled. It is the you that existed before the "cool kids" started excluding you at school, before you were scarred by your parents' divorce, or were abandoned by your spouse or your grown kids -- before you tried and failed, or reached out and were rebuffed. Somewhere inside you, your authentic self is waiting for you to find your way back, to reconnect and get on with the business of living your life honestly and fearlessly.

You may be able to remember a day when you were living your own life agenda. You were filled with excitement about your future because you were engaged in pursuits and relationships that fulfilled you and made you feel alive. But somewhere along the way, you let it happen. For whatever reason, you allowed your own script to be traded for someone else's idea of who you should be. From that point on, the breakdown began to take place.

At first the signs were small. In the areas of your life where you were out of alignment with your true nature, you began to experience internal discomfort. For example, you resented your boss's controlling ways but were unable to confront him about it, so it became a stress you learned to live with. But your sense of betraying yourself by not being honest didn't go away -- it just morphed into a need to self-medicate with alcohol, overeating, massive denial, or other self-destructive habits that brought momentary relief.

Somehow you decided that your worth and decisions had to be validated by someone else, and you began to live in fear of being found out or judged as being "less than." Denying your deepest desires, even in the small things, began to change you, to sabotage who you were underneath it all. After a while, it got easier to ignore your own voice, to trade the courage to be yourself for the path of least resistance in your relationships, at work, even in the dreams you once had for your life. Little lies grew into life-size lies, until everything you did was about maintaining the image you created.

If you've given in to fear-dominated decision-making, you'll probably see yourself in some of the results that show up in two of the most common types of inauthentic living: "Fake It to Make It" and "What I Fear, I Create."

Fake It to Make It

In this first phony-baloney way of living, you feel as though you are masquerading and are just one step away from being found out. Your decisions aren't made in order to grow or explore life, they are all about self-preservation and security. You don't aim to win; your goal becomes simply to not lose. This kind of decision-making is based on avoidance rather than desire.

Maybe you endured abuse from emotionally draining people in your life because you thought they wouldn't love you if you didn't, and you decided it's better to put up with them than be alone. Maybe you've been the dutiful wife to your husband, moving to a town you don't want to live in, spending time with people you can't stand -- all to help him get ahead. Or maybe you've been the obedient adult child or employee, following the party line to keep the peace and believing that you are only allowed to "stay" so long as you don't require much (if anything at all) from those in your life. You know, things like them giving you a vote in what happens to you, treating you with dignity and respect, or being sensitive to what you want or need.

The problem is that on some level it must have worked for you -- maybe you thought it was worth living a lie to have that false sense of security in your marriage or job, or maybe you faked it so long and so well that you began to believe the lie.

What I Fear, I Create

The second-most-common fear-dominated type of lifestyle is when your fear becomes so powerful you actually create that which you most fear and dread. You set it up by allowing the fear of it happening to actually alter who you are, what you think, and what you do. If you obsess about an end result, especially a negative one, you may become so preoccupied and distracted that nothing but the negative is possible.

If, for example, you fear being left by your spouse, I believe you can and will create that reality in your life by obsessing over that potential outcome; fear will take over your personality and your spouse will eventually flee. If you fear looking foolish in a public speaking situation, you will so distract yourself with an anxiety-ridden internal dialogue that you will, in fact, make a fool out of yourself. You will have created what you feared. It's simple science, really: For every thought you have there is a physiological reaction, and whatever the cues you are sensitized to, you will see them to the exclusion of all else.

What Are You Afraid Of?

Seven of the most common and destructive fears that influence the decision-making process are: fear of loss of control, fear of humiliation, fear of pain and punishment, fear of rejection, fear of responsibility, fear of intimacy, and fear of failure. For more information on how each of these fears work and a quiz to see how much they're affecting you, go to

For now, let's look at just one of these fears: the fear of loss of control. If you have this fear, it can show up in different ways. For example, it might emerge as a financial issue, causing you to, say, open a secret bank account even though you and your husband both agreed to share finances and draw from one account. The problem is not that you want to have your own money, but that your fear of losing control caused you to handle the situation in a less than honest way. In such instances, finances are seldom the only secretive area. If you need to control things, you most likely have intimacy issues that keep you from fully engaging with your partner emotionally, and maybe even physically.

At work, fear of losing control might show up in the way you relate to your boss. Maybe you always end up getting your work done, but only after a lot of resistance or debate over how to do it. The tension that comes out of this constant battle (which can take a passive-aggressive tone if you know better than to be too overt in your lack of cooperation) can possibly lead to things like less energy, less trust between you and your boss, and a reputation as a poor team player, which ultimately cycles back into more fear of loss of control. Do you see how far-reaching the consequences of fear can be in your life?

How to Start Living Fearlessly

Fearless living is passionate. You must decide that it is your turn and that you fear continuing on the path you're on more than you fear changing. That means deciding you are worth it and you are not going to play the game of life with sweaty palms anymore. Will asserting your will go smoothly? No, probably not, but that's okay because the other life wasn't so smooth either. At least this way you are working for what you do want instead of what you don't want -- trust me, that is not something to be scared about. And, let me say, being true to yourself and your needs is not being selfish. You cannot give away what you do not have. If you cheat yourself, then you are not whole and you cheat everyone in your life.

Now, there's a difference between not being fear-dominated and being reckless. If you've always wanted to be a dancer on Broadway, but you're 5-foot-2, 180 pounds, and have a serious case of asthma, not to mention a husband and two kids at home, I'm not suggesting that you head to New York with nothing but a plane ticket and a dream. I want you to focus, instead, on those areas that you have always felt do not truly represent who you are and what you want to be doing that you are able to responsibly change. And remember, it's not really dancing on Broadway that you yearn for. It is instead the feelings that you believe the Broadway experience will give you, and trust me, there are many ways to create them. Maybe teaching dance to children in the local theater group would come close. You never know until you try.

Also, don't make the mistake of thinking change is necessarily external. Sometimes it involves looking within. So be sure to reflect and start with any changes needed on the inside before you start moving everything around on the outside.

Recognize that there are risks involved in living an authentic life. Be willing to endure losses in order to have what's on the other side, and always remember the high price you've already paid for being inauthentic.

You can find strength within you and ways to better use the energy spent on being afraid. The amount of emotional energy that resides in your fears is tremendous. Just imagine that same amount of energy redirected into those things that will bring you pleasure rather than distress!

7 Steps to a Fearless Life

* Decide what you really care about.

What does your life look like in a perfect world? Don't give excuses for why your life doesn't look like that. Just paint in broad strokes in your mind, and pull together those elements that best represent your ideal life.

* Examine where you are now.

How far off course are you? If, after comparing the list of what you truly desire to what your life looks like right now, you feel like you have bailed on yourself, the next step is to do an audit and see how wide the gap is from where you are to where you want to be.

* Make a life decision.

This is more than a casual commitment -- it's your psychological and behavioral bedrock. It is more than a passing fancy or casual commitment. It is a decision that has been made from the heart with a powerful emotional commitment. If you are short of cash on your way to the movies, you don't debate, "Gee, do I stop by an ATM or do I rob this 7-11?" Some things are not options; you've made a life decision that you will not steal. if you have been living a fear-dominated life, you must make a life decision to leave what is unreal yet familiar.

* Acknowledge your fears.

Examine your behaviors and attitudes, then go deeper to find the fears that drive them. Once you have identified your "fear demons," it will be easier to spot them in your decision-making.

* Challenge irrational fears.

Have you accepted irrational fears as your personal truth? Fears that you're worthless, or if you share your problems or ask things of others you'll lose your relationships? These thoughts impact every choice you make -- and they won't budge unless you challenge them.

* Make it happen.

The difference between dreams and goals is a time line and an action plan. If you have dreamed of leaving Minnesota winters behind and heading south to set up a cozy little bed-and-breakfast, what are you doing to make it happen? Are you online in your spare time, learning about the best areas for a B&B, identifying a good real-estate agent, and maybe checking out some grants you might qualify for? Are you reworking your financial situation to free up some cash?

* Get help.

There are a lot of resources out there to help you, starting with informal options like a trusted friend or partner who can help you identify your fears and help you stay on top of your resolutions. Or you can go to the next level with counseling, psychotherapy approaches, or pastoral counseling.

Originally published in Ladies' Home Journal, September 2008.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


You squeeze it from my willing body
hands tight, neck constricted
lust penetrating, eyes entwined
you are consuming me;
I am begging to be consumed,
your pliable pleasure puppet
take my breath
I trust you to leave my life
and therein lies the power
and exquisite erotic control
that you have
during this amusement...
your grip strengthens
I leak and purr
then you release;
whisper the words
good girl
quivering before you
until your hands close
and I become once again,

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Something Elusive

Something is out there.
It tugs at me relentlessly until the taste develops in my mouth;
while I sit in the audience
gazing up into its ethereal allure
just beyond my grasp
I am part of it
and yet,
when I am out in the world, I feel it
so close, so close
again the taste
but something else as well;
it is tangible,
borderline real
not my old reality, but my newly discovered path
the direction in which my feet want to walk
and yet
here I sit
in the audience
staring up at a life
I do not own.

These words were inspired by Oscar Wilde's poignant quote and the desire to live "my" authentic life:
One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


I offer myself to you this day
to fulfill your every desire;
become only what you want me to be...
I exist to serve you in any shape your thoughts might form
my body and mind are not my own,
I forfeit all rights and pledge my life to you.

My heart
My soul

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Pain, Pleasure, Perversity and Power

Can you describe the intensity,
the depth?
Are words adequate to convey...
the exquisiteness,
the rush,
the flush of face and body,
His power....your surrender
of flesh, mind, spirit, soul;
knowing He is the only one
He is special;
you grok each other;
the need is implicit
and always present
appetites constant;
ravenously expressed
over and over
in His use and consumption
of your flesh,
your mind,
your will,
and the reciprocity of gratitude
to Him
for having chosen you;
for learning you,
for taking you to the place
of pain, pleasure, perversity and power...
His power
your surrender...
again and again.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Imagination is the Thing......

And fantasy it seems to me
Is nothing but necessity
For all the horrors day to day
Must be made to go away
Imagination is the thing
That turns a frog into a king.




There she is


her primal self exposed

in the blinding second of light

all was revealed

she had not been prepared

and was caught unawares

her usually guarded self

in a momentary lapse

stared into the lens;

startled by the brilliance

her fingers released the cloak

and it slipped to the floor

she heard the shutter click;

was trapped within the f-stop

while her heart raced;

cunt leaked

her mind embraced her submission

and she smiled.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

In Every Possessing

In every possessing,
The ravishing blessing,
In every possessing the fruit of our pain,
Poor lovers forget long ages of anguish,
Whate'er they have suffered and done to obtain;
'Tis a pleasure, a pleasure to sigh and to languish,
When we hope, when we hope to be happy again.

Excerpt from "Can life be a blessing" by John Henry Dryden
Painting, "Le Printemps" by Pierre-Auguste Cot

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Scent of a Woman

I am marked,
as hunter marks his prey;
as animal must mark his territory,
I bear what I am meant to bear;
accept reign of a power greater than myself,
in so doing, however, I am taken to a dark place
the moment in which I am asked to let go
to cease control of all that I hold
is the most difficult moment of all,
in my world, the queen is me
because that is how I need it to be;
in this new world
I wander hesitantly; on tip toe
traversing the obstacles you place before me
until one day I gaze inside myself
and notice
I am marked.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

The Game

He took me then and there,

it wasn't suppose to happen

we were going to talk, nothing more

I made it clear that was all I wanted

but he did it to me

became all Fatherly and loving

sympathetic yet firm

he knows what to do;

it isn't hard to play me;

as much as I didn't want it,

I could not refuse

the game is too enjoyable

and I knew what the outcome would be

before we even met


Hold me,
Let me feel your strength, tight around my body
envelope me in safety; leave no room for doubt...
that I am Yours
inflame my intensity and draw it inside yourself,
allow it to ignite our passionate souls
hear me,
hear me as you extract that intensity from my body;
draw power from the depth of the exquisite sounds you create
watch me,
watch as I react to the timbre of your voice; the fire in your hands
play me,
play your instrument, strum it and I will sing for you
follow me into our space,
the music we create is an addiction
you are my addiction
and I am desperate,
for a fix.

Friday, February 6, 2009

A Letter from Daddy

I am tired and I am hungry. Tonight I do not want to be your protector, tonight I will take you, have you, devour you. Tonight you will be my object of desire, my repository, my she-bitch to be used.....roughly and with gusto.

You will be given alcohol, enough to dissolve the bulk of your inhibitions and increase your pain threshold. I am not in the mood to be gentle with you; I will not be gentle with you. You will take what I feel like giving and you will be grateful that it is me giving it to you.

Tonight I will nourish your submissive, masochistic soul as you will, as well, feed my Dominant one. We will complement each other with an intensity not felt by most.....a richness that can only be achieved in unions such as ours. As you let me unfold you, undo you, you will know that you have arrived at the place where you most long to be.

With each tear that runs down your pretty face, each escaped plea from your precious lips, each cry that slips from you, I will know you are being released from the bonds of convention and connecting to your animal self as fundamentally and carnally as I, in turn, need to commit these crimes unto you.

Tonight my submissive little animal will be brought to fruition.

Tonight we will be free.

Any questions?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


Sometimes, though we feel we've had enough, it is just the edge of the beginning; that is why we think we are done, because fear is setting in. We start to touch upon something uncomfortably real and authentic, but often, it is beyond the point of too much when we are finally free to experience something truly transcendental.

The Road Less Traveled

She sits and waits
her big green eyes
gaze up at him in mock surprise
he speaks to her
in filthy tongue
and states just how
she'll be undone
"stand up my dear"
he does declare
while grabbing fistfuls of her hair
and pushing her against the wall
he pins her hands so she won't fall
now strokes and kisses he'll bestow
to warm her up
to make her glow
he knows to take things nice and slow
enabling love lets darkness flow
and penetrate her little mind
emotionally he seeks to bind
facilitating safety
engendering trust
will allow him to take her
to places he must!

In Absentia

the world keeps revolving
when you are not here
watching over me
and yet
I only see the hands of the clock rotate
without truly experiencing the moments in-between
my life travels
as in slow motion
while tempests within
create hellish havoc
and think themselves scathingly brilliant
as they laugh at me
squirming beneath the weather
that they create.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Fuck this edge I walk upon;
despite the curtain being half-drawn
the pain is sharp, my feet they bleed
I suffocate before my need.

Curse this room that is half-light
and once it was so very bright
now only shadows seem to loom
in this, once sacred, sleeping room.

Fuck this life that now I mourn
infernal darkness hath been born
blood I tread throughout this space
betrays the smile upon my face.

Curse that I am stuck right here
within this conscious, sharp and clear
enrobed in egoistic shroud
to gaze at fields, left still unplowed.

May I?

May I sit at the edge of the woods
with you
and listen to sounds
made by creatures
other than ourselves?
May I offer myself to you
for your pleasure?
May I be
simply a sexual object
for your use?
May I suffer through
and pain
for you
as you plunder my orifii
and mark my flesh
with the branch
that lies at your feet?
May I sit at the edge of the woods
with you?


are a huge problem!
They are everywhere!
I walk into a store
and there are plenitudes
I can close my eyes
and let my feral senses
sniff them out
they can sense me as well
I know they can
sex pheromones drip from me
like the steady ping of water
from a leaky faucet
sparks fly
when they look into my eyes
scorched by the flames
emanating from my body
our thoughts tango
in the space
between us
until we realize
life must carry on
and we return
to our shopping carts
and our heads of cabbage
without grasping this heat
that flies through the air
in the space
between our bodies.


What will you Suffer for me
my sweet girl?
how much will you bear
on my behalf?
how many minutes
or hours
of tears
will fall down your cheeks
before you come close
to needing to utter the word
that will make me stop?
but will you?
knowing how disappointed I will be
in my little girl
if she cannot take
all that I want to give...
come on now
I think you can do better than that
be a big girl for Daddy
and show him
how much you can Suffer.

Secret Lives

I talk to so many men

and I am their little secret

most have others as well

other little secrets

all these men

walking around with secrets

no one knows about

if you saw them in a crowd

you would think

look at that man

with his wife

and his kids

he must be happy

he looks so content

and yet


so many secrets....

who knew?


I am blank

this pain of nothingness is unbearable

I want to taste

to experience

to play

relieve this weight

that's pushing me down

crushing me

into oblivion

into black.

I am intense

I crave intense

I intensely need

to withstand

to suffer

to orgasm

to be

to fucking FEEL


before I disappear

into nothing.

She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom!

(Painting by Edward Hopper)

Do You.....?

Live with intention

Walk to the edge

Listen hard

Practice wellness

Play with abandon


Choose with no regret

Appreciate your friends and family

Continue to learn

Do what you love

Live as if this is all there is?

Neither do I, but I'm working on it.

Ebb and Flow

this dark crimson tide

that is churning inside

is a storm lost at sea,

or a wave within me?

that peaks as it folds

from recessions untold

and how can it be

that this flux is in me?

it seems quite bizarre;

though I wander afar

it just tosses and turns

deep within where it burns

boiling over and over

without sweet relent

till I'm ever so flummoxed

and thoroughly spent.


You are with me

inside me


I can't explain

nor do I understand



your penetration is profound;

I could not expel you

even if I wanted to.

Monday, February 2, 2009

.....on Death

Come away, O human child!
to the waters and the wild
with a fairy, hand in hand,
for the world's more full of weeping
than you can understand...

Excerpt from "The Stolen Child"
W. B. Yeats

The Curiousity of Cathectic Consumption

He questions me:

How much do you adore me?
Enough to pretend that you don't?
Clinging to the earthy tendrils of your current existence
with renewed ferocity and strength,
hoping to drown out the overwhelming cathectic consumption
that threatens to stifle your every breath?
That much?
Or more?
What will you endure for me?
How many of my words must you imbibe in order to calm your nerves?
Will words suffice?
You, who hunger strikes so fervently,
Starve for me...I dare you,
I dare you to walk the tightrope;
observe your life melting away below your feet
as the air of lust wraps around you
ever tighter,
while I watch you struggle to break free,
from lust's carnal embrace,
and smile.

Down the Rabbit Hole

The terror wasn't the falling,
the euphoria growing
with each downward spiral.
It was the thought of landing
that filled my heart with fear.

I am falling....
I have fallen,
from my protected place
where I was anonymous
though trying desperately
not to be
hoping He would "see" me
and realize
I was worthy
of befriending
And He Did.
I am falling....
and I understand
that He will not catch me
but I pray that He cares
to be there
when I land.

In the end, when your choices
are....follow the talking rabbit into dreams
or cling to the safe river banks of your life,
what will you choose?

Thermodynamics (The Temperature of Lust)

...because today I am repelled by the thought
but very soon
I will "need" the very thing that once repelled me
because the heat with which you convey the idea
builds pressure within
until eventually
the visuals explode in my mind
attracting me, engaging me
ever closer
my energy is boundless
molecules in motion
Faster Faster
take me...make me
deliver me
before I reach
effectual entropy.

Do You Wonder

Do you wonder....

if I think of you

if I need you, still

if I can feel your hands on my body

and hear your voice in my head

do you wonder....

if your presence

is still the presence

that commands me

makes me melt

under your shadow

and if the wetness between my legs

still happens automatically

whenever my thoughts drift to you

do you wonder....

if you are the One

that holds power over me



wonder no more my friend,

wonder no more.


I shiver


body and soul

all yours

it is

I am

in the dark

I wait


yet excited

to be in your presence

I've waited

it seems

a lifetime

for you

to envelop me

complete me

take me

to where...

I belong.

Sunday, February 1, 2009


To say that I need you, I must then justify this need -- why do I need you. I need you because I feel loved; I feel special; I feel wanted. I need you because you open my eyes and open my views. I need you because you are strength when I am weak, perseverance when I am lazy, crazy when I am all too sane. I need you because, by example, you teach me how to feel; teach me how to rely upon my self; teach me what it means to be strong. I need you because you need me.

But need has nothing to do with love. Need gets in the way of love -- provides conditions of expectancies; provides a termination of affairs whenever those needs are fulfilled.

Need does love a great disservice.

To say I love you because I need you is selfish, not self-less, and means that I have no concept of what love truly is.

To say that I want you, I must justify this want -- why do I want you? I want you because I feel loved; I feel special; I feel needed. I want you because you are a great teacher of who I am and who we are -- inspiring me to new realms, new schisms, new identities. I want you because you help bring out the best in me. I want you because you help bring out the worst in me, and help me to evolve. I want you, too, out of familiarity and comfort.

But want has nothing to do with love. Want gets in the way of love -- provides conditions and expectancies; provides an avenue of stasis and staleness, stagnant.

Want does love a great disservice.

Thus, to say I love you because I want you means I have no concept of what love is.

I am far from a perfect love. To say I want you, I need you, is not indicative of love. These are not the basis for love. Love is a state of being, a state of joy that no human word can approximate the feeling of, which is why we so often confuse want, need, lust, love. Love, as a state of being, does not fluctuate with the daily sufferings of life -- nor does it demonstrate itself in flowers and sex and wine. Love is not unrealistic expectations out of your lover -- love is not "any" expectation out of your lover.

Love is not needing, not wanting, but something else entirely.

Love is sacred.
To say otherwise is not love.

Author Unknown


Sometimes, I don't mind being behind these bars; there is a stillness, a calm, a sense of security and peace. No one will enter my cage, nor harm me; this is "my" place. I am partially clothed, partially exposed; a little bit of exposure became necessary as I am increasingly claustrophobic in my cage; some disrobing was imperative. Do you see the moisture around my mouth? Do you hear the noises my stomach makes? If I am not fed soon I don't know what will happen. I see my food; it stares in at me through the bars, an intense and piercing stare that causes my cunt to salivate in unison with my mouth. Yes, my cunt needs food too, I know it does; my orifices are screaming to be fed, regularly and intensely.....screaming. It is because I feel this desperation creeping up that I am concerned; afraid of becoming panicky and acting foolishly out of pure hunger instead of slowing for contemplation. This cage is perhaps becoming a burden, causing me to grow weak; there is nothing in here that I find appetizing and this is sad to me as my preference would be to stay within, my safety and security remaining intact and my hunger being sated.

He looks in at me, through the bars, those eyes reaching into my soul....all I want to do is run to him; let him feed me......oh god I am starving!


Every inch of my body is alive; each nerve ending exposed.

You know this,
and are playing me,
your instrument,
so expertly.

I feel compelled to tell you to stop, the intensity too much to bear; tears run down my cheeks from the sheer power of emotion you evoke from deep within me.

I tremble from fear,
from excitement,
from vulnerability.

What do you want from me?
What will you take?

All I can do is accept what you give.
All I can do is "experience" what you will have me experience.

We enjoy journeying together. You adore leading me to new places, thrive on pushing me to new extremes; I can see the lust in your eyes, smell your hunger, feel the ferocity with which you need these "trips"; need to travel to these places with me.

You, also, are acutely aware of how badly I need you, how desperately and frequently I need to be taken "away". Often I follow willingly, but sometimes you drag me, kicking and screaming, to where you know I need to go. You do this because you care, because you grok me; know what I need to continue functioning peacefully and contentedly in this world.

My Lover,
My Lord,
My Master,

I am grateful that you,
love me,
understand me,
take from me;
use me for your pleasure.

My body, mind, and soul belong to you,

Cryptic Cupidity

the intense carnality of my lust is more than I can bear.
I behold exquisite beauty,
blinding and bright,
within your innermost core;
strength of mind and will,
determination of purpose.
If there is anything more aphrodisiacal,
it is unbeknownst to me;
insatiable hunger becomes commonplace,
unrelenting passions the backdrop,
the canvas,
on which my life is painted,
over and over again,
in the reds,
the golds,
the oranges,
the salacious colors,
of cupidity.

On the Esoteric Piezoelectricity of Lust

I am
firm, smooth, immobile;
you apply just the right amount of pressure
in just the right way
to produce the voltage that radiates through me
causes my skin to erupt in goosebumps
makes the fine hairs on my back stand on end
you are the one
who understands what it takes
to produce the current
that actuates me.

The Sensuality of Scent

The naked, natural, intoxicating essence of nature....the sublime perfume of oranges, limes, lemons, cardamom, cinnamon, etc. We cook with them, eat them, drink them, but do we really "experience" them? Close your eyes and inhale the sexuality of a spice, or a fruit, it is truly overwhelming when you let your senses guide you, carnally, lustfully.....allowing uninhibited freedom; shutting down preconception and judgment; living entirely in the moment.

Hungering, savoring, passionately......animalistic and raw. That is where our core energy comes from....our lust for life.