Sunday, September 26, 2010

Hearing Silence

As the interphased day and night
Leaves the sky aglow with residual light,
My hungry eyes take in the feast
That tells me most, by saying least.

A silent scene can stir the heart
With more power than mere words impart,
And leave you breathless, standing still-
Held captive by your own free will.

Trisha Taylor

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

On the Power of Hugs

My desire to be embraced is sometimes so powerful that I start to grow panicky.  I now really know how those poor elderly people that I visit in the nursing homes feel.  The need for human contact, human touch, is an intense and biting hunger.  When an older person that has been without physical contact is embraced, he clings to you in a desperate, childlike way. I feel what that is like, I know what that is like.  A few long months ago I craved the sexually forceful touch of a Dominant male; now I simply want to be encompassed/consumed within a safe harbor of masculine strength.  I am, obviously, in a different place at the moment.

It is a hunger, like any other, but, honest to goodness, I often feel as though I am starving to death.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

A Rant about Honesty and Open Communication

For 21 years I lived in a bubble and did not have to interact, to any great extent, with the outside world.....this includes working, as I worked from home.  I am now realizing how very difficult it is to navigate through this sea and deal with the human emotions and politics of my fellow humans.

The issue that I have is this.....why can't people just bloody well SAY what is on their mind, instead of just thinking it, and allowing issues (and relationships) to degrade and rot?   I need honesty.  I need open communication.  I am NOT a mind reader.

My Dominant male friend and support of the last many months (The Rainman) is no longer in my life because he is an assumer.  He assumes that I know what the hell is going on inside him without actually "telling" me what is...or talking to me about it. He assumes that I am aware of stuff, simply because he is and, though I've told him I cannot reach inside his mind and suck information out, he doesn't quite understand.  The ironic thing is that he always wanted me to be open and communicative with him.

I simply can't deal with this.

My one and only girlfriend (in my new city) and I, joined a hiking club and met a very personable man. He wanted to go out for a drink with me but, because I did not want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship, I asked my girlfriend if she was interested in this man....if she had said yes, I would not have gone for a drink with him.  Well....she said NO but apparently did not really mean NO and now our relationship has deteriorated.

How can I operate in this world if people are not going to be straight with me? 

Now school has started and the overwhelmsion factor is high and, frankly....overwhelming.  Because many of my classmates have previous knowledge of some of the subjects we are covering, I am finding myself having to work like a blue-assed fly to keep up.  I don't mind working hard, however, and I will rise above this challenge; it would just be easier to concentrate if I was still in my bubble.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Our Dance

We dance so slowly
eyes entwined;
lost in lust...
You spank
I melt into your hand,
we play against each other
so deliciously
You control
and You control so efficiently that our carnal interlude fills me with calm
I want to come for You
to please You
to do anything that will encourage....ensure,
that You do not cease your erotic direction
of my body and my mind.