Sunday, May 31, 2009

Dominant Twine (and other nice things)

How long since you’ve held me
So tight in your arms….
How long since you’ve whispered
Your salient charms….
Was it real?
Were you there?
Or have I manufactured
Your sharp-piercing glare?

How long since you’ve managed
My every step….
How long since you’ve beat me
Until I have wept….
Was it another lifetime ago?
I really can’t remember when….
I only know,
I need it again.

How long since your fingers
Prevented my breath….
How long since you’ve brought me
So close to death….
And only I want,
To be chained to your bed
Surrounded by sin
And forcefully fed.

So when will I feel
The love that you wield….?
From the gentlest touch
To the harshest of yield….
Your balance is brilliant
Your devil divine
I desire to be bound,
In your Dominant twine.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Big Stuff

There is BIG STUFF, big stuff to feel that

No one tells you, no one CAN tell you.

Stuff you'd kill for, DIE for;

Stuff that you were BORN for.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Another...Dream Within a Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Be Still

"Be still", he said,
he did not understand that,
although she could still her body,
a thousand warrior thoughts waged constant battle inside her head,
rendering the comparative stillness of her physical body just one more conflict for her to deal with.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Thoughts on ending a 20 year marriage...

How can you leave all that you know?
a life full of possessions and memories...
a man who loves you.
Leave your beautiful house, your wonderful neighbors?
Are you mad?
Why would anyone do such a thing...
do you not know how scary it is out there;
what a struggle it will be for you...?
You are no longer young, you are no longer beautiful.
The man in this house accepts that, and still loves,
why would you go,
what could you possibly gain?
What is lacking now...passion?...desire?
Do you know of other 20 year old LTRs that have managed to retain these things?
Okay so...he does not accept you for who you are in your entirety,
he does not know your entirety,
How much does this matter to you;
can you go on living secrets for the rest of your life?
and if he did learn you?
if you were to reveal in totality the person you truly are;
perhaps give him the address of this blog...
what would happen?
He would explode,
fireworks, the likes of which, you have never seen before...
how well do you know you know this for a fact?
Would he not embrace you later,
after he calmed down?
Idle Thoughts, Random Mind
Notes from the edge of Cuba

Through your eyes

I am only as you see me;
it matters not how I look through my eyes for the vision you make of me is all I desire to be.

When you see me I am beautiful,
a girl worthy of your adoration.
What more do I need!?

If I remain trapped within my walls,
I will succumb to the decay of a thousand poison thoughts,
Uncover me, before the erosion becomes irreversible.

Because she'd been living a lie for so long, the truth was difficult to find.

It matters not if the words are cryptic, the meaning unclear. People will choose the message they want to hear, they need to hear. This will always be true, regardless of the clarity of the presentation.

Never pretend to love someone.
Never pretend to be happy in bed when you're not.
Never go out with anyone who isn't as glad to see you, as you are to see them.

With the passage of time, what was once love, can turn into something else.....habitual comfort; respect is replaced with tolerance.

"Be still", he said,
he did not understand that,
although she could "still" her body,
a thousand warrior thoughts waged constant battle inside her head,
rendering the comparative stillness of her physical body just one more contradiction/conflict for her to deal with.

One can only truly be "themselves" in a place where they are unknown, if no one knows you, there are no preconceived expectations of behavior, on either side.

With alacrity and youthful heart,
I long for life to finally start,
and shed this old and dowdy clothes,
to strike a new and different pose.

I feel like I've done all this before,
because I have.
Life just keeps going around in circles and I find myself taking the same pictures,
over and over again;
the only thing that changes is the way my face looks in the mirror.
Is this it then?
A continuous ride on the same merry-go-round..........year after year until I drop dead?

Hay mas?
Algo differente?
Dios Mios!

Note to Self

Silence is as silence does, the truth is never said;
a once important soulful thought,
will die inside your head.
Nothing lost is nothing gained and no one ever loses,
Chances come and they will go, but a beggar never chooses.
Life is but a passing glance,
before the curtain falls...
Look way up,
begin the climb;
scale your prison walls.

There is BIG STUFF, big stuff to feel that
No one tells you, no one CAN tell you.
Stuff you'd kill for, DIE for;
Stuff that you were BORN for.

He says....

When we first met, all those years ago, I felt her succumb to me so swiftly, it almost hurt. It seemed too simple, too OBVIOUS. I didn't believe life could BE that simple. For me she tightened herself willingly into a ball. I felt dutybound to UNTWIST her, soothe and smooth her.

In this I failed: I could not persuade her not to love me.

She says...

He came to rescue me!
I could almost see my way through the maze as he took my hand and ran with me.
He sucked at my dried out nipples, put his fingers in my atrophied cunt, lay across my barren back, encircled me.
I clutched the quilt with wind-dried hands and kissed his shoulder with my bitter lips.
Slowly he touched me, slowly he turned me, moulding me into what he wanted until I was crying and screaming - how I love him!!
And still he held me, like a lighthouse he would lead me, never leave me, like the Rock of Gibraltar he would heave me, rock me, ream me, until my years of being half-alive worked themselves into a torrent of wanting and having - and being.

He says...

Let me tell you of our story
of the now and never will be
of the sorrow and the changes
How I loved her, loved and left her.

See me take her, turn her, learn her
See me take her hands and lead her,
To the bed we shared that night.

Leave us there upon the bed now
Trembling, awkward, stunned, delighted,
Silence all her protestations,
all her mournful lamentations
Close the circle of her questions.

She says...

I go to him, I will be with him, as long as he will have fingers on his chest, his thighs, his cock, his lips - my new bag of of worldly possessions.

And we will cry together, for he has "saved me", saved me from the underworld. If only life could stop right now, so we would never have to leave this room, never have to think again about the past or the future. You are the wind, the sea, the ground beneath me. You are everything. If only it could all end now.

Thus, in my ecstasy, I dream of apocalypse. Unable to save the world, I toy with its destruction.

He says....

Even if she remembers me, she probably hasn't forgiven me. Women never seem to understand how easily one can fall into being a bastard just by trying to do the Right Thing! All my sins of obfuscation, prevarication, procrastination, fornication, What a jerk I was!

Absolve me, please!!!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Round peg in a square hole (or something equally as painful)

I don't know what to write, I don't know what to say......I feel so very far away; as if the world was not my home, I roam....and I roam.......completely and utterly, all alone. The ones that know me feel it too; all who touch me come out scarred then wonder why I scratch so hard. Making people feel awkward is not what I wish to do, but....I've lost the ability to perform, along with the knowledge of which gesticulations, articulations, prevarications.....I should use, to put you at your ease. I understand that after 47 years I should know how to act; to wander through the world as others do.....but I do not seem to be able to pull it off. I drift and I drift....please do not be alarmed if my presence causes you distress, it is not you, it is me.

I simply do not know how to be.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Be Still a Child

Be still a child despite all this,

Through life, amid its gloom and bliss;

Though clouds of care be all about,

Those eyes will find the sunshine out,

Then pass the shade with Hope's delight,

and stop to play where Joy is bright.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


Yesterday, my child succumbed to your power,
and cried
Yesterday, my tear stained body responded with gratitude,
when you held me tight
Yesterday, I was lost in a sea of stressful waves;
so you took me....
to where you knew I needed to be,
and in the taking, you too were cleansed
for as badly as I need to shed tears,
you need to create them;
thus there is symmetry
I give, you take
I take while you give
I take what you give
and in the giving....
each of us,

Photo by Max Sauco