Friday, January 29, 2010


have to be unrealistic because the moment you get what you seek, you don’t, you can’t, want it anymore. In order to continue to exist, desire must have its objects perpetually absent. It’s not the it that you want, it is the fantasy of it.

Jacques Lacan


  1. Hello Charli :)

    You've hit the nail on the head.
    Fantasies should be fantasies.
    The point of deep relationship (what some people call sm/bdsm) shouldn't be to realize them but to find someone who let you and help you express your deepest thoughts. Of course there might be some exotic form of sex but the goal should be self realization.
    At least that's one way to understand the dynamic of this kind of relationships.

    And one might want to avoid self-delusional people who are hell-bent on realizing some fantasies. The what really isn't important, it's the how and mainly the why that matter.

    There's a good yard stick : a good relationship is a sustainable relationship. If it's too intense or too focused it won't work. There has to be some recovery time.

  2. Yes, I agree and have often said that what I find most intoxicating about D/s relationships is the open communication and sharing of absolutely "whatever" is on your mind; being able to reveal hidden thoughts without fear of judgment or criticism. It is the pleasure in "revealing" them (and therefore myself) for me, not "fulfilling" them.

  3. That's the very reason why I'm so sad when I see that you stopped communicating with us and deleted "The Exchange"...
    And why on earth do you say that's it's intoxicating ? Have you been hurt by these dynamics ? :( :(
    Have a good night dearest Charli :)