Nothing is Worth More than This Day

It occurs to me today just how fortunate I am.  While out walking I saw a sweet-looking elderly gentleman pushing a woman in a wheel chair up the side of a busy main street where there was not even a pedestrian side walk.  I smiled as I passed them and his expression was kind but painfully defeated.  His life was hard, I could tell.  The woman in the wheelchair was, by the looks of it, completely incapacitated.  Thinking of the challenges they must go through daily and the fact that he was walking with her on a dangerously busy road, even in the absence of sidewalks, made my heart swell.

I have my health.  Regardless of whatever other challenges I may be facing, I am a whole, functioning, physically-able, human being.

I am a very lucky girl.

You Needed Me

I must be in an especially sappy mood today.  I just heard this song and it killed me! *sob*   The lyrics are so beautiful!



I cried a tear, you wiped it dry
I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me

You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me, you needed me

And I can't believe it's you
I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave?
I'd be a fool 'cause I finally found someone who really cares

You held my hand when it was cold
When I was lost you took me home
You gave me hope when I was at the end
And turned my lies back into truth again
You even called me "friend"

You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me, you needed me

Bad Things

He comes to me
again and again
pulling me through the scenes of our life...
sexing...
making me want to do bad things,
"be" bad things;
making me want to stretch my boundaries
further than I am sure they can go.
I have orgasm after orgasm
thinking about how bad we can be;
wondering why it is
he can hurt
as ferociously as he can love,
but not really caring...
as long as he CAN be,
everything that he is.

Kindred Spirits

It is not often that I get all mushy and awestruck but a certain woman blogger has done it to me.  Her imaginative, witty, intelligent posts touch me deeply.  She, like so many of us, is searching for peace, contentment and Mr. Right, while exploring facets of D/s, DD and M/s relationships.

I highly recommend giving her a visit.

On being self-centered

I came across this quote on the internet today and rather liked it.

My radius is too large; I need to work on shrinking the borders.

Within the Valley of My Soul

Within the valley of my soul,

a restless, hungry spirit roams

since long ago and far away

the appetite it will not sway

and so I wander near and far

to try and get to where you are

I only need to reach the peak

and morph myself to what you seek

but finally I grasp and miss

the velvet promise of your kiss.

Holding on...

Living on the Edge

The Power of the Mind

Come to the Edge

On the relative scarcity of kinky humans

The vanillas (vanillinians?) are taking over the Earth.  The world seems to be full of them, for goodness sake!

Meeting people is tricky, meeting kinky people is far more difficult; it has been many years since I have wanted to venture forth and make connections, I suppose because I had my husband and our friends and neighbors, etc., and I never really felt the need to meet "new" people.

But now....alone in a new city, it is slightly different.  So how, exactly, do I approach this?  I want platonic friends at the moment, not sex friends, so what?......munches?  Fetlife?  And then there is the fact that, in my old life, when I befriended a female I could be relatively sure all she wanted to be was my "friend", but these days it seems that it is practically impossible to find a woman involved in BDSM who is NOT, how do you say.....heteroflexible?   pansexual?  Yes, yes, I realize just because someone enjoys both sexes does not mean they are incapable of platonic friendships......all I am saying is that it throws another dimension into the mix, a mix I do not have beaucoup de experience with.....c'est tout.

Thus far I have limited my roamings to vanilla females, as they are easier to hunt down; indeed I have found a couple of very nice women to talk and walk with BUT.........it seems there are so many things I CANNOT talk to them about that it leaves me wanting.

The search continues.....

On wine gums and feeling Lost

When will my new home start feeling like the right place?

When will my past life start feeling like the wrong place; start feeling like the past?

Were the choices I made, made for the right reasons?

When I start feeling right, will I stop feeling lost?

Am I living the life I am suppose to be living?

Does Maynards put a drug in Wine Gums to make them so addictive?



Anyway, I am back here in the land of the people that write drivel in blogs so I suppose I should keep up appearances....

With regard to this whole BDSM thing, I am completely unaware of where I stand as it has taken on a much less important flavor in my new life. I believe this is because I have many other things to think/worry about at the moment and don't feel inclined to spend time focusing on my lust filled loins....although, I do spend some time. The Rain Man is still putting up with me and is very much a part of my life but, alas, I do frustrate him so. One minute I am begging for a D/s relationship and the next I am giving him grief and being anything BUT submissive to him.....the man is a Saint, to be quite honest. I think he regards me as a challenge and a challenge is definitely what I give him, though not on purpose (most of the time).

I attended another play party, this time a public one, and I enjoyed it much more than the private one as I was able to sink into the background and "lurk" and "leer", which was a heck of alot of fun. My goodness the odd spectacles, and people, I encountered! Yes, good fun it was! I did not "play", although the Rain Man wanted to; but the only place available was right under the crowd's nose and I wanted to hide in the back so we wouldn't be seen. I am definitely NOT that brave, nor that exhibitionistic, to be way out in the open making a spectacle of myself! *shudder*

So, I await the beginning of my course, which starts in September, and wander around my new city wondering what, exactly, I am suppose to "be" and "do".

When I have all the answers, I will let you know.