Monday, March 23, 2009

What's love got to do with it?


Without love, without understanding, without trust, the connection is pointless; it becomes a physical act of (often) acting out of pent up frustration, or, in the case of public play, an exhibitionistic frenzy of "watch me", "see me", "do me". It does not matter who does me, or who sees me.......I just need my fix.

This is, obviously, an enjoyable phenomenon for some people.

For me, not so much.

My female sub friend T. was describing this to me the other day, going to a public party and watching this show of seemingly disconnected people employed in sexual acts; I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was really disturbed by it and I have been trying to understand why, exactly, it provoked such intense feelings for her.

I do know that when "I" have communicated with persons that view this world as "just-a-little-kink", or take it as only "fun" and something NOT done outside the bedroom, I do have a hard time relating to them, as I view it as a good deal more. I am certainly not saying that life, or D/s, should not be fun, I am simply saying that, to me, it goes much deeper than just fun and that, for it to have any meaning at all, there needs to be a deeper connection.

And I believe my friend, like many people, holds almost a spiritual reverence for the D/s dynamic. The potentially life-altering, mind-bending intensity of a good D/s connection with a like-minded partner. It is not a game, it is not for is, well....almost a religion of sorts, I suppose you could say. And perhaps what goes on at play parties is almost a mockery of this institution, for some people.

Could that be it?

1 comment:

  1. I've been to my share of play parties, where no sex was allowed, and to a few BDSM parties that turned into orgies, and even a swingers' party or two that turned into orgies. I've been the demonstration "subject" for flogging and paddling, and I've ended up the center of an orgy a time or two.

    What I can tell you from my perspective is this: if the Master/Dom with whom you are with is "into" this, a scene at a public play party can be VERY hot and VERY intimate. again, it's all about consent, and the power exchange. and it's the same with orgies - if that's the kink of the two persons involved.

    I certainly can understand why this would seemingly as a mockery of the institution. but, again, these relationships are so mentally intimate, and that doesn't always manifest itself in a visual manner which other people can observe.

    I know several couples who simply don't have any opportunity to play anywhere other than a public space: they have children at home, or don't have the space or the funds for such elaborate equipment available at play parties. or, part of the turn-on for the couple is the exhibitionism, or the voyeurism, or the public humiliation/degradation that can only occur in a safe place such as a play party.

    in my experience, many of my friends have a spiritual reverance for hte D/s dynamic, and it's their religion. my friends view play parties as many vanilla couples view church: this is a place where they are completely accepted, and can demonstrate to their "brethren" the protocol, and costumes, much like women used to wear a new hat to church, and the men & children are on their best behavior in Sunday school.

    now, I don't attend play parties because that's not Daddy's kink. He doesn't like play parties, and public protocol. He and I prefer to enjoy sex, plain and simple, with lots of pain and orgasms mixed in. He does however, greatly enjoy taking me to strip clubs and couples' swinger parties, where he can show me off, and see me used sexually to his content. Because between us, that is where we make the greatest mental connection: during sex.

    I think that's the greatest thing about the D/s lifestyle: unlike religion and BDSM, D/s requires no specific protocol or rituals. D/s is more like spirituality: it's all about what you think and believe, and how it works its magic specifically and differently for each couple. But, the point is that it works if you work it.

    just my .02 worth. Your mileage may vary.
    cutesy pah