Monday, June 22, 2009

Perpetual Patterns

I have been sitting in this corner
my whole life
observing and listening
occasionally an "incident" occurs
which allows me to see with wide-open eyes
the shallowness I have wallowed in
for all of these years
the emptiness I have contained myself in
for protection and security
the life I have denied myself
in the name of introversion
and I watch my little nieces meandering down the same road
because they are being raised by someone with similar insecurites
and I am saddened by the circle of life
the patterns that are repeated
through families and generations
and I wish that I could change circumstances for others
but I cannot
the best I can hope for
is to change them for myself


  1. I don't know why but I find the painting inspiring. It might be because the painting is too still and must have some overwhelming energy hidden somewhere.

    Back on topic : the good thing about negative patterns is that once you've identified them, you can destroy them by adopting new positive patterns. It's definitely not an easy skill to master but it can be very useful.

  2. The best teacher we can be comes out when we set an example for others. I've always loved being the "aunt" who is different, and fun, and outspoken, so that my nieces see that it's just as fun, and people still like you, even when you don't do things and act like everybody else. Sometimes we allow ourselves to grow up well and happy, when we allow ourselves to play with children, and play like children do.

    A quote I'm quite fond of lately, as it speaks to me:

    Do not let the fact that things are not made for you, that conditions are not as they should be, stop you. Go on anyway. Everything depends on those who go on anyway.
    --Robert Henri

    I hope you find some time to play.

    With Hugs and Much Love,

  3. No Gabriel, you are correct, it is not easy.

    Hi cp, I would love, more than anything, to be able to "set" an example for my nieces; sadly, however, I am not granted access to them but for once a year due to my sister's possessiveness and jealousy of the fact that they adore me. My realm of influence is, therefore, nil.

    Thank you for the Hugs and Love....I am returning them to you.

  4. charli, speaking from experience, changing negative patterns, is difficult, it takes strength insight and above all determination. the fact that there is insight implied there is a change occurring.
    i believe that life is constant change and growth, but there are patterns that are so deeply ingrained and tattooed to our souls, that it takes monumental strength to alter there patterns, or in some cases a life altering ocurrence, a heart attack, a divorce, the loss of home and monetary stability. something that rocks your world.
    but to implement change there has to be first the insight that change is needed and wanted.

    but believe me it is difficult and takes time, some times i despair that my personal destructive patterns will never change, but I'm stubborn and i keep trying.

    i hope that you continue and that you find some means to influence those close to you to change and to see that there are alternative patterns, that there is a whole world of alternative patterns, that can be embraced.

  5. Yes finbar, I have learned, over the past couple of years that there is indeed a whole world of "alternative patterns", many more than I would have previously guessed.

    Suddenly aware of the monumental strength that it does take to begin to alter "things", I realize that for the past few months I have been silently praying for a wrecking ball to come and obliterate the world, as I know it......hoping, I guess, that that would provide the incentive I need to begin to change things; for myself first, and then perhaps for others.

  6. Of course, you cannot change things for anyone but yourself.
    I've always found others to be unable to hear my "words of wisdom"
    I try to take that with some humor and realize it is really only me that needs to pay attention .. when all is said and done.