I have spent a good deal of the last 2 weeks in the hospital holding the hand of my dying Grandmother. She has retained her lucidity and knows who I am, which I am grateful for, but realize that in many ways it would be easier for her if she was "not" aware of all the horrible ways in which her body was betraying her. Her leg is so swollen that her body fluids have started leaking out through the (ulcerated) skin and the cancer in her breast has also started to burst its way outward. In response to this her Doctor insists that she is not in undue pain and does not need anything stronger than tylenol...FUCK!!!! The woman is 100 years old and dying, give her morphine and give it to her in large doses for god sake!!!! Now I ask you, is this the way that a loved one needs to die?
What kind of inhumane society do we live in which mandates that, no matter how much you are suffering, it is illegal and immoral to precipitate the end. I am filled with so much fury and sorrow that at any given time I don't know what awful words will fly out of my mouth. We sit there holding her hand when we should be doing so much more to help her and alleviate her suffering.
This sucks, it totally sucks.