Saturday, August 15, 2009

Who Can Play?

I absolutely agree with the advice that one should avoid becoming entangled in another relationship immediately after dissolution of a previous one. This is simply logical and makes complete sense. After living as a "we" for several years, it is important to learn how to live and function as a "me", in the world.

There is, however, another problem. I do not enjoy playing with Dominant men. I cannot fathom a reason on this earth why I would want to be tied up and whipped by a man I hardly know. Now, judging by the profiles on Fetlife and Collarme, I am in the minority here. Many seem to take delight in submissively jumping from one play party to the next, willingly and gladly being stuck by needles and having random fists shoved in their cunt for the evening. Honestly I could never do that. For me there would be absolutely no point as the whole reason for my wanting a D/s relationship is to construct and hold dear that very deep connection that is only possible through the intensity of a Dominant/submissive union. I have tried to play...a couple of times over the past 2 years I decided to be sluttish and whorish and shut my mind down so that only my body was submissive but, good grief! about empty experiences!

This leaves me in a no-man's land (good pun) of, avoiding men completely, jumping into another relationship, or viewing each encounter I take part in with an eye to it having some sort of lasting significance. Don't get me wrong, a big part of me would like nothing more than to be a total slut and prostitute my body to every Tom, Dick and Harry...sadly, however, the intelligent and ever-watchful "me" is worried (too worried) about all sorts of things, not the least of which is contracting some horrible STD, or worse.

Okay so, what now? I do crave friends; there is no doubt about that. I am also feeling insecure and want to know that I am still desired and wanted. There is also the knowledge that there are so many wild and wonderful and very very "different" ways to live and people who live them, and I want to explore and discover all these socially taboo and interesting aspects of life that previously I have been unable to.

So, perhaps I have answered my question. I will wander aimlessly and keep my eyes open. I am quite sure there are many unique and new experiences to be had.


  1. Hi, I have been lurking for a little while now but this post definitely hit home for me.

    I also can't bring myself to just play with someone. In part because, like you, I know I could never let go or give myself completely to a stranger. So few people in the lifestyle seem to understand that. I've actually been told, by a dom behaving badly, that this meant I wasn't truly submissive.

    Fingers crossed we both find what we are looking for.

  2. I expect many will disagree with me. When I set sail from the Old World to the New, I had no idea what I was looking for other than the kink depicted on b-grade movie posters and in porn flics. At first I asked around and though self declared as a dominant male, I was frankly scared of some of the women out there. Of course that was a question of confidence and it comes with exposure.
    I wouldn't touch a soul-not one person for the longest time. I reasoned that, like charli said in her message out front; the lifestyle is basically libertine so health issues are not something that should be dismissed or overlooked for the sake of a moment's pleasure.
    I decided that the best way to express myself was to find that elusive elixir-someone with whom I might fall in love with prior to dominating. And that is exactly what I did. It allowed me to be the man I have always been yet could never be until precisely those stars were aligned. It is not something that I share with anyone other than someone very close with me.

  3. well don't know what I can do to help but MasterMalachi is my profile name on Fetlife if you want some new friends I'm up for that.

    Hope you find what your looking for.

  4. *chuckling* Looks like they're coming out of the woodwork to circle the potential new meat.

  5. Your quandary is really not different than that of a newly "single" vanilla woman. She too would likely want to satisfy her need to connect sexually and emotionally with an "appropriate" man. The only difference between you and vanilla girl is context. But the difficulty faced in finding the right person with whom to share that context is identical.
    Do what feels right to you and know that what feels right may change over time. Playing does not need to be empty if performed with someone with whom you share some compatibility and caring. That is a relationship too, even if not one leading to a permanent arrangement. Give yourself an opportunity to learn YOU, as that can only be accomplished by real life interaction.....some good, some bad, some blah, but all part of the discovery of Charli.

  6. I wanted to let you know that when I mentioned to you to "play" and have fun. I meant just that in a way of exploring yourself. You don't want to try and jump into a serious relationship or to view all your possibility's like a dip in the candy bowl. Nor, do you want to let someone you don't know tie you up or have any sort of control over you in this way. So, even though candy is bad for you a lollipop to curb your sugar cravings every now and then isn't bad. So, I say that if something yummy comes your way, let yourself have a taste... or two. As much as you want to dive headfirst into the candy bowl and swim around it likely isn't the best thing. You do have to test a few though till you find the flavor that you like the best. Am I making sense? I know I have a bad habit of turning almost everything I say into a comparison.

  7. Smiles and hugs.....

    Anonymous #2

  8. Avachild, not to worry, I totally understood what you were saying and will suck my lollipops carefully......*smile*

  9. oh, Charli, I've been far too amiss in not reading your blog. I'm certainly not one for just "playing" with any Dominant, but I agree there sure seems to be many who are willing to do so. I'm just not wired that way!! And, I can tell you that it totally sucks, but you do have to kiss a ton of frogs before finding Prince Charming. Have no doubt he is out there, but know that you won't meet him until YOU are ready!

    BIG hugs to you, sweetie!
    cutesypah who kissed nearly 100 frogs before finding Mr Right, whom I also refer to as Prince Charming in front of his family and friends.

  10. Yuck! 100 frogs?...poor you. I sure hope I don't have to pucker up for anywhere near that number!

    I am glad, however, you have finally found your Prince.