Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Married Man

If you are happily married why are you talking to me?

Oh I see, you love your wife dearly and would never leave her but there remains a void and, don't you deserve to be happy as well?

And you have made peace with your desires and have decided that you can live with being deceitful if it means you are able to find a little pleasure for yourself.

Oh no! I am not doubting that you are a good man and a wonderful husband, not at all...and when you finish fucking your little subbie and go home to the dinner your wife has prepared, you can eat fitfully with the knowledge that, both your hunger to exert power over another, and your sexual appetite, have been sated.



  1. So many times he asked her to come to him-not to serve him nor service him but to just be with him would make him happy Not to be his submissive as much as to be his companion. ‘Come’ he said ‘as much as I need your body is nowhere near as much as I need your friendship’.
    ‘When?’ she said
    Now? Sooner?’ he mused
    ‘Can’t do it’ she responded
    ‘Why not?’ he wondered
    ‘Simple-I’m married’ she said.

  2. Sounds like a man who is missing his spine. What type of person could live the rest of their lives willingly and repeatedly lying to their family. Lying to themselves. Could this be consider a "real" man, one who can not be honest with himself? One who finds comfort in deceit. Sounds more like a man who should not be trusted.

  3. Men, Avachild, not "a" man. I have spoken to so many over the last few months. The thing that really annoys me is that they all try to justify what they though it is their right to commit adultery because they "deserve" to be happy.

    I am no angel. I have done bad things and betrayed the man I committed myself to. I was also filled with guilt and questioned "why" I was staying in the relationship as I was obviously not getting what I needed and hurting the man that I loved in the process. That is why I am getting out. My husband does not deserve this.

    I can simply no longer tolerate others who continue this behavior, deceiving their partner for years and years instead of having the courage to either "stay", and "fix" what is left of the relationship, or...get the hell out.

  4. I've known many men like this also. Seems there is no end to the line of unhappy people who justify their lives by stepping out and coming up with reasons to appease their own guilt.

    I'm no saint mind you. I've betrayed the man I love also. I also justified it to myself prior to doing it. The excuses my mind came up with sounded so "right". Nothing soothed the guilt that consumed me afterward. That is why I told him. I felt he had a right to know. It didn't make things easier but they have slowly got better.

    Does this give me the right to judge others who decide that it is their right to commit adultery because they are unhappy? No, but my opinion of them is the same. They are unworthy of the roof they live under because they rather live their lives deceiving the one they claim to love.

    I have such an intolerance toward men that commit adultery. Largely because I view men as "protectors". They are suppose to protect their wives and family. Instead they are intentionally destroying them, repeatedly.

  5. I, too, had a few missteps during my marriage, none of which I'm proud. But, unlike those who repeat their lies time and again, I knew that it was time for me to get out. If I was willing to lie because I was miserable, I deserved to be in a place where I didn't have to lie, and where I wasn't miserable.

    I just can't be serious about or be serious with someone who is living a lie.

    just my .02. YMMV.

  6. "I have such an intolerance toward men that commit adultery. Largely because I view men as "protectors". They are suppose to protect their wives and family. Instead they are intentionally destroying them, repeatedly."

    This is an interesting idea, Avachild. I had never thought about it along those lines.

    I agree, cp, it is very hard to be or get "serious" with someone who is living multiple lives.

  7. Life is not so black and white is it ? And if you are the 'other' woman - is it still so awful ?

  8. Life is, in no way, black and white and it was not my intention to suggest it was such. Actually, if "anyone" knows this fact, it is I.

    However, one can surely "live" a life without hurting or betraying the ones that have faith and trust in them.

    This, to me, is not a matter of "black and white", but simply, living with integrity.

  9. For me, integrity implies honesty or a steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code whereas to deceive is to cause to believe what is not true or to mislead. These verbs mean to lead another into error, danger, or a disadvantageous position by underhand means. Deceive involves the deliberate misrepresentation of the truth: "We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know, because they have never deceived us" (Samuel Johnson). Thus, in the absence of proof to the alternative, we rely on the integrity and honesty of those whom we have pledged our lives. They expect nothing less in return.

    In the above, it is clear that the words, and the definitions we normally attach to them, are not gender specific: they are deontological or concerned with moral duties or rights. Thus each party is bound by an ethical obligation to the other making it morally repugnant to breach that obligation by deception or dishonesty. It does not focus on gender.

    Adultery has many definitions, depending on whose legal system you fall under, yet most agree it is about sexual relationships outside of the conjugal bed or its matrimonial home. Some places, Minnesota for example, defines adultery as: "when a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery". An argument could be made that even if one party is not married and they knowingly engage in a relationship with someone who is married, they are committing adultery. North Carolina seems even more archaic because in that state adultery is when any man and woman "lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed and cohabit together."

    The terms which seemed so clear at the outset become less so when we put them under close scrutiny because without realizing it we could inadvertently implicate ourselves in the moral behaviour we find so repugnant in others when we accuse them of dishonesty or deceit. A glance at the Minnesota adultery law is proof of that. So to say it is not ‘black or white’ is a huge understatement.